Showing posts with label dailies. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dailies. Show all posts
Thor Reboot
Usually Owen liked to play with his foam hammer, the one that he got from Thor: The Dark World's promo. He even loved to take a bite of it, if he was really hungry.
However, on this fine Sunday morning, when I placed the hammer into his box for him to play ..
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| Hammer! *grab* |
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| I am THOR 1/4! |
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| Eh .. too heavy .. heavy .. uh .. oh .. |
.. he didn't seem to be able to hold it for long.
Thus, recreating scene when Thor lost his power and couldn't pick up his hammer.
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When my mom - who hadn't seen Thor - saw this particular picture, she asked what Owen's doing. Was he praying or something?
I was very tempted to answer:
"Forgive me, Father, for I couldn't hold my hammer and it ended knocking my teddy bear out."
30 Years Ago: Email What?
There was a time,
when electronic-mails were still underground,
waiting to take over the world ..
we used these papers ..
for sending friendly messages,
for writing love letters.
They often came with matching envelopes, bookmarks, stickers ..
Some of them were so shiny, we could use it as mirrors.
Some of them were completely made of clear plastics -
we wondered if permanent markers or overhead-projector markers were needed.
Some were in funny shapes, we didn't even know how or where to write on them.
Sometimes they were too fancy ..
(I mean, seriously, how could you scribble on Hello Kitty, Little Twin Stars, My Melody or Tuxedo Sam?)
so we just bought to keep ..
or kept one set on file and traded the rest with friends -
the fastest way to build up our collection ..
and the fun way to spend time with our friends
(y'know, messing with their collections, testing our skill of persuasion)
No matter how efficient and powerful e-mails are now,
they will never look this cute and they are not collectible.
I have been keeping all these papers for almost 30 years.
All good.
when electronic-mails were still underground,
waiting to take over the world ..
we used these papers ..
for sending friendly messages,
for writing love letters.
They often came with matching envelopes, bookmarks, stickers ..
Some of them were so shiny, we could use it as mirrors.
Some of them were completely made of clear plastics -
we wondered if permanent markers or overhead-projector markers were needed.
Some were in funny shapes, we didn't even know how or where to write on them.
Sometimes they were too fancy ..
(I mean, seriously, how could you scribble on Hello Kitty, Little Twin Stars, My Melody or Tuxedo Sam?)
so we just bought to keep ..
or kept one set on file and traded the rest with friends -
the fastest way to build up our collection ..
and the fun way to spend time with our friends
(y'know, messing with their collections, testing our skill of persuasion)
No matter how efficient and powerful e-mails are now,
they will never look this cute and they are not collectible.
I have been keeping all these papers for almost 30 years.
All good.
A Gift for Thought
What I loved about Mat being in his pre-elementary school, there was always a child who celebrated birthday from time to time. That means I got to indulge my hobby as a gift hunter.
One might question how I could spend time and money to do such "small" things. Well, I take gifts seriously, even if it's only for a child who might not understand its value well yet (sad to say, some adults still do NOT either).
I don't always have big budget for gifts, but I always try to put extra thoughts in choosing and presenting them. It irritates me when someone says "Just choose one quickly. Who cares if they'd like it or not, or if they could use it or not. A gift is just a gift."
Not for me. I'd be very disappointed if I knew the recipient didn't like my gifts. Or if my gifts would only be wasted. And I believe they'd be disappointed too, to receive a gift they didn't want.
That's why in some cultures, people open their gifts right away, in front of the gift-givers. So that instant reaction can be seen. Some cultures allow people to return or exchange the unwanted gifts too. I'd love to adapt those cultures very much, but it's difficult to do around here.
I remember when my sister and her husband gave me a necklace for my wedding gift. I loved it so much. But I forgot to wear it during my honeymoon trip (after all the wedding day hustles). My brother-in-law said to me, "Do you like it? Why didn't you wear it? Aaawww .. I'm so sad, I'm so looking into seeing you wear it."
I felt very sad too.
So .. why would anyone think I should care less in giving gifts, especially for children? They love gifts. Big or small. They love things. Simple or complicated. Hell, they even play with the ribbons and the paperwraps .. maybe one day I could present them only colorful ribbons wrapped in colorful papers, and heard them squealed in joy. Who could resist seeing the delights in their eyes?
I don't care if people gave "unthoughtful" gifts for Mat because of their principal in "A gift is just a gift". As long as I can restrain myself for doing the same, I am content.
Maybe I should consider changing my job into opening a gift shop.
One might question how I could spend time and money to do such "small" things. Well, I take gifts seriously, even if it's only for a child who might not understand its value well yet (sad to say, some adults still do NOT either).
I don't always have big budget for gifts, but I always try to put extra thoughts in choosing and presenting them. It irritates me when someone says "Just choose one quickly. Who cares if they'd like it or not, or if they could use it or not. A gift is just a gift."
Not for me. I'd be very disappointed if I knew the recipient didn't like my gifts. Or if my gifts would only be wasted. And I believe they'd be disappointed too, to receive a gift they didn't want.
That's why in some cultures, people open their gifts right away, in front of the gift-givers. So that instant reaction can be seen. Some cultures allow people to return or exchange the unwanted gifts too. I'd love to adapt those cultures very much, but it's difficult to do around here.
I remember when my sister and her husband gave me a necklace for my wedding gift. I loved it so much. But I forgot to wear it during my honeymoon trip (after all the wedding day hustles). My brother-in-law said to me, "Do you like it? Why didn't you wear it? Aaawww .. I'm so sad, I'm so looking into seeing you wear it."
I felt very sad too.
So .. why would anyone think I should care less in giving gifts, especially for children? They love gifts. Big or small. They love things. Simple or complicated. Hell, they even play with the ribbons and the paperwraps .. maybe one day I could present them only colorful ribbons wrapped in colorful papers, and heard them squealed in joy. Who could resist seeing the delights in their eyes?
I don't care if people gave "unthoughtful" gifts for Mat because of their principal in "A gift is just a gift". As long as I can restrain myself for doing the same, I am content.
Maybe I should consider changing my job into opening a gift shop.
I bought this for one of Mat's friend ..
.. and I wrapped it.
A Veggietale
Dinner time.
Mom was still in the living room when dinner was served.
Mat: Mom, do you like vegetables?
Mom: Hm? No. I don't like.
Mat: Why?
Mom: I just don't like. You don't like vegetables either, do you?
Mat: I like vegetables. Really. I eat carrots, broccoli ..
Mom: O yea, you do.
Then Mat went missing for a while .. and then re-appeared back in the living room ..
Mat: Mom, your dinner is ready.
Mom: Ok. Just a minute.
Mat: Mom, you have to eat vegetables. It is healthy for you. And the baby can grow fat too.
Mom: Oooookay!
Mat: Eat your vegetables.
Mom: I will.
Mat: Moooom .. your dinner ..
Mom: Ok, ok.
Mom headed toward the dining table ..
*shocked*
.. as she was dumbfounded looking at her dinner plate ..
A plate full of white rice, totally covered by sauted green vegetables on top. Only rice and veggies. Nothing else.
*horrified by the prospect of being a vegetarian for one night*
Mom: Mathieu! Were you the one who prepared my plate??
Mat: Yes. You have to eat it all, ok?
With flashbacks on her mind .. "Mathieu, eat your broccoli" .. "I put some carrots in your lunch, you have to eat it all, ya" .. "Try this spinach, it's sweet, good for you" .. "Mathieu! Why didn't you eat your vegetables?? No excuse. Finish it all!" ..
.. would Mom have a heart to disobey the good advise? You think?
Children are good students .. and better teachers.
Mom was still in the living room when dinner was served.
Mat: Mom, do you like vegetables?
Mom: Hm? No. I don't like.
Mat: Why?
Mom: I just don't like. You don't like vegetables either, do you?
Mat: I like vegetables. Really. I eat carrots, broccoli ..
Mom: O yea, you do.
Then Mat went missing for a while .. and then re-appeared back in the living room ..
Mat: Mom, your dinner is ready.
Mom: Ok. Just a minute.
Mat: Mom, you have to eat vegetables. It is healthy for you. And the baby can grow fat too.
Mom: Oooookay!
Mat: Eat your vegetables.
Mom: I will.
Mat: Moooom .. your dinner ..
Mom: Ok, ok.
Mom headed toward the dining table ..
*shocked*
.. as she was dumbfounded looking at her dinner plate ..
A plate full of white rice, totally covered by sauted green vegetables on top. Only rice and veggies. Nothing else.
*horrified by the prospect of being a vegetarian for one night*
Mom: Mathieu! Were you the one who prepared my plate??
Mat: Yes. You have to eat it all, ok?
With flashbacks on her mind .. "Mathieu, eat your broccoli" .. "I put some carrots in your lunch, you have to eat it all, ya" .. "Try this spinach, it's sweet, good for you" .. "Mathieu! Why didn't you eat your vegetables?? No excuse. Finish it all!" ..
.. would Mom have a heart to disobey the good advise? You think?
Children are good students .. and better teachers.
Balada Uang Sumbangan & Si Pelit
Tadi pagi.
Baru aja duduk di depan komputer kantor, telepon berbunyi.
Biarpun gue udah tau dia ini maunya apa, karena masih pagi, okelah gue kasih lampu hijau. Langsung dimulai oleh ucapan terima kasih dan penjelasan panjang lebar tentang data partisipasi gue beberapa tahun yang lalu. Dilanjutkan dengan permintaan partisipasi khusus untuk bulan ini saja, dengan nominal yang lebih kecil.
Gue sampai harus mengulang penolakan gue dua kali.
Pikir-pikir, harusnya pertanyaan pembuka di atas ini diganti menjadi "Boleh minta sumbangannya?", yang pastinya akan jauh menghemat waktu kedua belah pihak.
Karena jawaban gue pastinya tetap sama. Sama seperti alasan kenapa gue menghentikan partisipasi gue. Biar dibujuk seperti apapun, kalo memang gue ga mau nyumbang, ya gue ga bakalan nyumbang.
Kalo gue mau nyumbang, ga perlu sampe khusus ditelpon begitu, pasti gue akan cari cara buat nyumbang.
Maksudnya memang baik, dan bukan gue ga percaya atau curiga. Tapi kalau dilakukan dengan cara seperti ini, sama dengan menodong?
Apakah gue merasa bersalah karena menolak menyumbang demi kebaikan anak-anak yang membutuhkan? Mungkin. Tapi semua orang punya prioritas dan kebutuhan. Dan sampai mereka bisa "meminta" atau membujuk orang untuk bersimpati dan memberikan sumbangan sukarela dengan cara yang lebih baik dan etis, gue lebih memilih menyumbang ke celengan anak gue.
Apakah gue takut dianggap pelit? Kagak. Memang gue pelit.
Baru aja duduk di depan komputer kantor, telepon berbunyi.
"Selamat pagi, Ibu. Saya dari ... (nama badan perlindungan anak-anak). Boleh minta waktunya sebentar?"
Biarpun gue udah tau dia ini maunya apa, karena masih pagi, okelah gue kasih lampu hijau. Langsung dimulai oleh ucapan terima kasih dan penjelasan panjang lebar tentang data partisipasi gue beberapa tahun yang lalu. Dilanjutkan dengan permintaan partisipasi khusus untuk bulan ini saja, dengan nominal yang lebih kecil.
Gue sampai harus mengulang penolakan gue dua kali.
Pikir-pikir, harusnya pertanyaan pembuka di atas ini diganti menjadi "Boleh minta sumbangannya?", yang pastinya akan jauh menghemat waktu kedua belah pihak.
Karena jawaban gue pastinya tetap sama. Sama seperti alasan kenapa gue menghentikan partisipasi gue. Biar dibujuk seperti apapun, kalo memang gue ga mau nyumbang, ya gue ga bakalan nyumbang.
Kalo gue mau nyumbang, ga perlu sampe khusus ditelpon begitu, pasti gue akan cari cara buat nyumbang.
Maksudnya memang baik, dan bukan gue ga percaya atau curiga. Tapi kalau dilakukan dengan cara seperti ini, sama dengan menodong?
Apakah gue merasa bersalah karena menolak menyumbang demi kebaikan anak-anak yang membutuhkan? Mungkin. Tapi semua orang punya prioritas dan kebutuhan. Dan sampai mereka bisa "meminta" atau membujuk orang untuk bersimpati dan memberikan sumbangan sukarela dengan cara yang lebih baik dan etis, gue lebih memilih menyumbang ke celengan anak gue.
Apakah gue takut dianggap pelit? Kagak. Memang gue pelit.
**********
Tadi sore.
Bayar belanjaan hypermarket senilai Rp 108.675,- dengan uang sebesar Rp 110.000,-
Dengan sangat menyesal, gue ga bawa dompet koin gue dan gue siap-siap kehilangan Rp 25,- (serupa yang sering terjadi di sini).
Gue mengharapkan kasir akan mengembalikan senilai Rp 1.300,- tanpa permintaan maaf atas sisa receh yang duapuluhlima tersebut.
Langsung gue tolak ketus, "NGGAK!!"
Catat. Dia meminta gue menyumbang tigaratus rupiah. Seandainya dia meminta gue menyumbang tigaratusduapuluhlima rupiah, pastinya gue akan berkata lain.
Kasir pun kelabakan mengembalikan uang gue, sampai harus pinjam dua logam limaratusan dan tiga logam seratusan dari kasir sebelahnya.
Transaksi selesai, gue cek struk pembayaran, bisa diduga di sana tercetak kembalian utuh Rp 1.325,-
Kalo mau jujur, bisa kan yang duapuluhlima itu dicetak sebagai sumbangan.
Apakah gue merasa bersalah karena ga mau nyumbang amal biarpun cuma Rp 300,-? Kagak. Kenyataannya gue udah nyumbang Rp 25,-. Masalah itu receh masuk ke kantong kasir atau ke kantong amal, gue relakan aja.
Apakah gue takut dianggap pelit?
Memangnya gue pikirin??
Bayar belanjaan hypermarket senilai Rp 108.675,- dengan uang sebesar Rp 110.000,-
Dengan sangat menyesal, gue ga bawa dompet koin gue dan gue siap-siap kehilangan Rp 25,- (serupa yang sering terjadi di sini).
Gue mengharapkan kasir akan mengembalikan senilai Rp 1.300,- tanpa permintaan maaf atas sisa receh yang duapuluhlima tersebut.
"Yang tigaratus rupiahnya mau disumbangkan, Bu?"
Langsung gue tolak ketus, "NGGAK!!"
Catat. Dia meminta gue menyumbang tigaratus rupiah. Seandainya dia meminta gue menyumbang tigaratusduapuluhlima rupiah, pastinya gue akan berkata lain.
Kasir pun kelabakan mengembalikan uang gue, sampai harus pinjam dua logam limaratusan dan tiga logam seratusan dari kasir sebelahnya.
Transaksi selesai, gue cek struk pembayaran, bisa diduga di sana tercetak kembalian utuh Rp 1.325,-
Kalo mau jujur, bisa kan yang duapuluhlima itu dicetak sebagai sumbangan.
Apakah gue merasa bersalah karena ga mau nyumbang amal biarpun cuma Rp 300,-? Kagak. Kenyataannya gue udah nyumbang Rp 25,-. Masalah itu receh masuk ke kantong kasir atau ke kantong amal, gue relakan aja.
Apakah gue takut dianggap pelit?
Memangnya gue pikirin??
Oleh-Oleh Bali: Hari # 1
Bali, 25-28 Desember 2012.
5 tahun setelah kunjungan wisata terakhir.
16 tahun setelah masa kuliah berakhir.
Berawal dari ajakan liburan keluarga beberapa bulan yang lalu, rasanya males banget ikutan. Pertanyaan yang sama selalu muncul: Apalagi sih yang belum gue liat di Bali selama gue tinggal empat tahun di sana? Belom bosen apa ya? Paling perginya ke Kuta lagi, Kuta lagi. Tanah Lot, Bedugul, Kintamani, Ubud .. lagi.
Dan liburan ke Bali, berarti buang uang .. banyak!
Gue bukan backpacker. Gue punya standar tinggi buat kenyamanan dan keleluasaan selama liburan. Dan untuk menikmati tempat wisata yang sekiranya sesuai dengan standar gue di Bali (dan di Indonesia pada umumnya) hampir sebagian besar harus dibayar mahal. Jadi buat gue yang ga mau jadi turis gembel, liburan begini bisa bikin pusing kepala before AND after the holiday.
Ditambah lagi kalo yang namanya jalan-jalan, mau ga mau, penting ga penting, harus belanja.
Betul begitu? Hmmm.
Airport
Selepas dari kenyamanan Bandara Soekarno-Hatta Terminal 3 yang sekarang jadi terminal udara favorit gue di Jakarta (biarpun kecil .. dan hanya buat budget airlines), penerbangan Jakarta-Denpasar siang hari berlangsung mulus, setelah sebelumnya terancam meledak karena ada penumpang yang membawa bola ke dalam kabin pesawat.
Heh. Gue ga ngerti kenapa bola itu bisa lolos pengawasan di bandara. Sempat terjadi perdebatan antara si pembawa bola dengan salah satu stewardess. Itu sih memang bola plastik untuk mainan anak-anak. Tapi bola ya bola, ada tekanan udaranya lho ya .. Stewardessnya bilang, "Maaf, Pak. Hanya mengikuti peraturan. Kalau meledak kan kasian .."
Kasian? Kasian?? Sederhana amat pemilihan katanya. Gue mah udah siap-siap mau turun pesawat kalo si bapak ga mau melepas bolanya itu keluar kabin. Aku masih mau hidup, maaaaan.
Kenapa juga mesti bawa bola jauh-jauh dari Jakarta, memangnya di Bali ga ada yang jualan bola?
Setelah diminta menghadap keputusan wasit .. eh .. pilot .. akhirnya kemelut bola di mulut gawang dimenangkan oleh maskapai. Dan tenanglah hati ini.
Selanjutnya karena angin AC di atas kepala ngegeber, gue jadi turis kesasar dalam kabin. Pake topi dan kacamata hitam, terus .. tidoooooor. I admit I just couldn't stand the art of doing nothing on a moving transport.
Sekitar setengah jam sebelum landing, gue terbangun dan melihat semua jendela di sebelah kiri tertutup. Silau? Kok gue ga merasa silau ya? Eheheh .. lupa .. kan pake kacamata hitam. Gue nengok ke jendela kanan gue .. hanya ada beberapa yang masih terbuka.
Dan inilah pemandangan yang tersaji ..
Tiba di Bandara Ngurah Rai yang ternyata lagi di renovasi .. haizzz .. semerawutnyaaa .. penuhnya .. panasnya ..
Mau cari tempat yang nyaman buat nunggu pesawat Andri dan Mat yang jadwal tibanya masih 1.5-2 jam lagi, ga adaaaa. Starbucks or Burger King udah tumpah ruah, turis pun banyak yang lesehan di koridor bandara .. Bau rokok dimana-mana .. hadoh.
Akhirnya gue memutuskan buat ke hotel dulu aja.
Taksi
Setelah gue tinggal sekian tahun lamanya, Bali masih belum berubah dalam hal armada transportasi umumnya. Di sepanjang koridor, setiap langkah gue diikuti oleh tawaran jasa taksi, baik dalam bahasa Inggris maupun Indonesia. Padahal gue udah pasang muka cuek bin bebek jutek berkacamata hitam.
Di beberapa titik, gue tantang para sopir taksi monopoli itu ..
"Taksi, miss?"
"Argo?"
"Ga ada argo. Mau kemana?"
"Sheraton Kuta. Berapa?"
"Tujuhpuluhlimaribu."
"...."
"Taksi, Bu?"
"Sheraton Kuta. Argo?"
"Ga bisa, Bu. Tujuhpuluhribu aja."
"...."
"Enampuluh."
"...."
"Limapuluh dah."
"...."
"Taksi, taksi?"
"Saya mau yang pake argometer."
"Di sini semuanya ga ada argo."
Eh, ada beberapa taksi Blue Bird Group nurunin penumpang. Langsung gue kasih sign buat stop ..
"Wah .. ga boleh naik taksi itu, Bu!! Itu cuma boleh turunkan penumpang!"
"Saya mau taksi yang itu. Di mana pool-nya?"
"Ga ada. Harus jalan ke depan. Jauh."
"Oke."
"Ya jalan aja dah sana."
KAMPRET!!!
(dan ribuan kelelawar di Goa Lawah Klungkung sana pun mungkin terbangun panik mendengar namanya dipanggil).
Beraninya gue balik ditantang. Geplak blak! Lo bisa menang lawan turis asing, tapi lo ga bakalan bisa menang lawan gue dengan koper gue yang seberat 18.5 kg, plus tas gantung gue yang seberat 3 kg.
Mantap separuh geram, gue seret koper nyebrangin parkiran dan jalanan bandara. Ga sampe 3 menit gue jalan, ada taksi Blue Bird berhenti di depan gue.
Nah. So that's how I did it.
Macet
Ditemani sopir taksi yang kelewat ramah, perjalanan dari bandara ke hotel yang seharusnya bisa ditempuh dalam waktu 10 menit berkembang menjadi 45 menit .. karena macet, Mak. Yaelah. Lepas dari mulut singa Jakarta, langsung masuk ke mulut buaya Kuta.
Trus karena macet, argometernya jadi berapa? Tigapuluhribu rupiah saja.
Hotel
Sheraton Bali Kuta Resort terletak pas di seberang Pantai Kuta. Lobi-nya berada di Lantai 4 dan mempunyai view outstanding ke pantai. Gue belom punya kesempatan melongok ke sana karena terburu-buru check-in dan melepas koper gue yang berat itu. Sempat ada miskomunikasi yang nyaris mengharuskan gue bayar deposit sebesar 3 juta rupiah untuk free night redemption (Ogah!!!).
Setelahnya gue turun ke kamar di Lantai 2. Hal pertama yang selalu gue lakukan setiap kali gue masuk ke dalam kamar hotel atau penginapan: Bathroom Inspection .. dan gue melongo melihat kamar mandinya yang punya dinding kaca berbatasan langsung dengan kamar tidur. Wooooooooaaahhh .. Maybe it's no surprise at all to find this kind of thing in Bali hotels, seperti gue pernah nemuin bath tub tergeletak di dalam kamar tidur di salah satu suite mewah di kawasan Ubud. Tapi tetep aja ya ..
Kafe Pantai
Rencana gue balik ke bandara buat gabung sama Andri, Mat dan rombongan gagal total karena kembali kejebak macet di sepanjang Kuta-Legian. Akhirnya janjian ketemuan langsung di Jimbaran Beach Cafe buat makan malam.
Kayaknya semua turis lokal (atau turis asing yang diantar guide lokal) ga akan melewatkan kesempatan makan di Jimbaran Beach/Bay. Seafood-nya nya sih enak dan segar. Tapi gue sendiri ga gitu tergila-gila makan ditemani taburan pasir pantai, apalagi gue pake sepatu, secara sandal gue masih dipak rapi dalam koper kabin yang dbawa Andri.
And to call those humble restaurants "Cafe" .. ehm. Over-rated.
Anyway, I was so happy to see my family. They looked happy too to finally have a vacation together in Bali lhooo.
Macet, Taksi, Hotel .. Lagi
Karena lokasi villa tempat rombongan menginap jauh di daerah Canggu, ditambah macetnya jalanan, kita bertiga harus cari taksi balik ke pusat keramaian Kuta. Susahnya ya, tolong! Gue bersyukur atas keputusan gue buat check-in hotel dulu tadi sore, jadi ga perlu bawa-bawa koper gede di pinggir jalan. Seburuk-buruknya kalo harus jalan kaki sambil gendong Mat .. hhhhh.
Ketemu Blue Bird Taksi, tapi sopirnya ga mau. Alasannya: Macet, Pak! Perasaan kalo di Jakarta, asalkan bukan karena banjir ato huru-hara ato major force, taksi biar macet mau aja narik penumpang.
Ketemu beberapa taksi non-Blue Bird, yang pastinya juga non-argo, pada ga mau berhenti biarpun lampu taksi di atasnya menyala. Ini jual mahal, ga butuh duit, ato gimana ya?
Ketemu satu taksi bobrok yang bagasinya mencicit serta bau rokok, borongan 40ribu. Ya sudah. Angkut! Sopirnya ga tau Sheraton Kuta di mana pula. Udah dibilang di Jalan Pantai Kuta, masih aja bingung. Udah dibilang, hotelnya pas di seberang pantai, deretan Beachwalk, gue tau jalan ke sana, ikutin aja terus .. masih ga yakin juga. Halah. Kalo yang diantar turis asing, ngkali bisa dibawa nyasar sampe balik ke negara asalnya.
Untungnya sopir taksi sopan dan ramah. Jadi gue juga ikutan easy lah. Lagi liburan hari pertama gitu lho.
Mat seneng banget begitu taksi masuk ke gerbang hotel. Di pintu masuk dia juga seneng pas dikasih kuntum bunga kamboja sama penyambut tamu. Dan begitu masuk ke kamar .. sama seperti gue, hal pertama yang dia bilang: "Ada bath tub! Yaaaaaaay!! Mama, Mat2 mau berendam!"
Dan begitu kran air bath tub dinyalakan .. banjir lokal terjadi di dalam kamar mandi sampai luber ke foyer. S.O.S! Mayday, mayday! Maintenance dan Housekeeping pun datang. Ternyata drainage seal bath tub yang bermasalah. Jadi acara rendaman terpaksa ditunda untuk sementara waktu ..
.. kita belanja aja dulu.
Keluar hotel cari mini market buat beli beberapa keperluan esensial, seperti susu kotak dan sereal buat Mat, cemilan dan minuman ringan buat Andri. Kuta was still very alive at this hour. Hard to recall Christmas Day was not over yet.
Balik ke kamar hotel, semua udah rapi kembali. Time for Mat to spend time as a merman in the tub. Mantabs!
Dia juga yang nemuin rollerblind yang ternyata dipasang buat nutupin dinding kaca kamar mandi. Wokeh. We did have some decency after all.
Day 1 - wrapped.
Dan liburan ke Bali, berarti buang uang .. banyak!
Gue bukan backpacker. Gue punya standar tinggi buat kenyamanan dan keleluasaan selama liburan. Dan untuk menikmati tempat wisata yang sekiranya sesuai dengan standar gue di Bali (dan di Indonesia pada umumnya) hampir sebagian besar harus dibayar mahal. Jadi buat gue yang ga mau jadi turis gembel, liburan begini bisa bikin pusing kepala before AND after the holiday.
Ditambah lagi kalo yang namanya jalan-jalan, mau ga mau, penting ga penting, harus belanja.
Betul begitu? Hmmm.
Airport
Selepas dari kenyamanan Bandara Soekarno-Hatta Terminal 3 yang sekarang jadi terminal udara favorit gue di Jakarta (biarpun kecil .. dan hanya buat budget airlines), penerbangan Jakarta-Denpasar siang hari berlangsung mulus, setelah sebelumnya terancam meledak karena ada penumpang yang membawa bola ke dalam kabin pesawat.
Heh. Gue ga ngerti kenapa bola itu bisa lolos pengawasan di bandara. Sempat terjadi perdebatan antara si pembawa bola dengan salah satu stewardess. Itu sih memang bola plastik untuk mainan anak-anak. Tapi bola ya bola, ada tekanan udaranya lho ya .. Stewardessnya bilang, "Maaf, Pak. Hanya mengikuti peraturan. Kalau meledak kan kasian .."
Kasian? Kasian?? Sederhana amat pemilihan katanya. Gue mah udah siap-siap mau turun pesawat kalo si bapak ga mau melepas bolanya itu keluar kabin. Aku masih mau hidup, maaaaan.
Kenapa juga mesti bawa bola jauh-jauh dari Jakarta, memangnya di Bali ga ada yang jualan bola?
Setelah diminta menghadap keputusan wasit .. eh .. pilot .. akhirnya kemelut bola di mulut gawang dimenangkan oleh maskapai. Dan tenanglah hati ini.
Selanjutnya karena angin AC di atas kepala ngegeber, gue jadi turis kesasar dalam kabin. Pake topi dan kacamata hitam, terus .. tidoooooor. I admit I just couldn't stand the art of doing nothing on a moving transport.
Sekitar setengah jam sebelum landing, gue terbangun dan melihat semua jendela di sebelah kiri tertutup. Silau? Kok gue ga merasa silau ya? Eheheh .. lupa .. kan pake kacamata hitam. Gue nengok ke jendela kanan gue .. hanya ada beberapa yang masih terbuka.
Dan inilah pemandangan yang tersaji ..
Tiba di Bandara Ngurah Rai yang ternyata lagi di renovasi .. haizzz .. semerawutnyaaa .. penuhnya .. panasnya ..
Mau cari tempat yang nyaman buat nunggu pesawat Andri dan Mat yang jadwal tibanya masih 1.5-2 jam lagi, ga adaaaa. Starbucks or Burger King udah tumpah ruah, turis pun banyak yang lesehan di koridor bandara .. Bau rokok dimana-mana .. hadoh.
Akhirnya gue memutuskan buat ke hotel dulu aja.
Taksi
Setelah gue tinggal sekian tahun lamanya, Bali masih belum berubah dalam hal armada transportasi umumnya. Di sepanjang koridor, setiap langkah gue diikuti oleh tawaran jasa taksi, baik dalam bahasa Inggris maupun Indonesia. Padahal gue udah pasang muka cuek bin bebek jutek berkacamata hitam.
Di beberapa titik, gue tantang para sopir taksi monopoli itu ..
"Taksi, miss?"
"Argo?"
"Ga ada argo. Mau kemana?"
"Sheraton Kuta. Berapa?"
"Tujuhpuluhlimaribu."
"...."
"Taksi, Bu?"
"Sheraton Kuta. Argo?"
"Ga bisa, Bu. Tujuhpuluhribu aja."
"...."
"Enampuluh."
"...."
"Limapuluh dah."
"...."
"Taksi, taksi?"
"Saya mau yang pake argometer."
"Di sini semuanya ga ada argo."
Eh, ada beberapa taksi Blue Bird Group nurunin penumpang. Langsung gue kasih sign buat stop ..
"Wah .. ga boleh naik taksi itu, Bu!! Itu cuma boleh turunkan penumpang!"
"Saya mau taksi yang itu. Di mana pool-nya?"
"Ga ada. Harus jalan ke depan. Jauh."
"Oke."
"Ya jalan aja dah sana."
KAMPRET!!!
(dan ribuan kelelawar di Goa Lawah Klungkung sana pun mungkin terbangun panik mendengar namanya dipanggil).
Beraninya gue balik ditantang. Geplak blak! Lo bisa menang lawan turis asing, tapi lo ga bakalan bisa menang lawan gue dengan koper gue yang seberat 18.5 kg, plus tas gantung gue yang seberat 3 kg.
Mantap separuh geram, gue seret koper nyebrangin parkiran dan jalanan bandara. Ga sampe 3 menit gue jalan, ada taksi Blue Bird berhenti di depan gue.
Nah. So that's how I did it.
Macet
Ditemani sopir taksi yang kelewat ramah, perjalanan dari bandara ke hotel yang seharusnya bisa ditempuh dalam waktu 10 menit berkembang menjadi 45 menit .. karena macet, Mak. Yaelah. Lepas dari mulut singa Jakarta, langsung masuk ke mulut buaya Kuta.
Trus karena macet, argometernya jadi berapa? Tigapuluhribu rupiah saja.
Hotel
Sheraton Bali Kuta Resort terletak pas di seberang Pantai Kuta. Lobi-nya berada di Lantai 4 dan mempunyai view outstanding ke pantai. Gue belom punya kesempatan melongok ke sana karena terburu-buru check-in dan melepas koper gue yang berat itu. Sempat ada miskomunikasi yang nyaris mengharuskan gue bayar deposit sebesar 3 juta rupiah untuk free night redemption (Ogah!!!).
Setelahnya gue turun ke kamar di Lantai 2. Hal pertama yang selalu gue lakukan setiap kali gue masuk ke dalam kamar hotel atau penginapan: Bathroom Inspection .. dan gue melongo melihat kamar mandinya yang punya dinding kaca berbatasan langsung dengan kamar tidur. Wooooooooaaahhh .. Maybe it's no surprise at all to find this kind of thing in Bali hotels, seperti gue pernah nemuin bath tub tergeletak di dalam kamar tidur di salah satu suite mewah di kawasan Ubud. Tapi tetep aja ya ..
Kafe Pantai
Rencana gue balik ke bandara buat gabung sama Andri, Mat dan rombongan gagal total karena kembali kejebak macet di sepanjang Kuta-Legian. Akhirnya janjian ketemuan langsung di Jimbaran Beach Cafe buat makan malam.
Kayaknya semua turis lokal (atau turis asing yang diantar guide lokal) ga akan melewatkan kesempatan makan di Jimbaran Beach/Bay. Seafood-nya nya sih enak dan segar. Tapi gue sendiri ga gitu tergila-gila makan ditemani taburan pasir pantai, apalagi gue pake sepatu, secara sandal gue masih dipak rapi dalam koper kabin yang dbawa Andri.
And to call those humble restaurants "Cafe" .. ehm. Over-rated.
Anyway, I was so happy to see my family. They looked happy too to finally have a vacation together in Bali lhooo.
Macet, Taksi, Hotel .. Lagi
Karena lokasi villa tempat rombongan menginap jauh di daerah Canggu, ditambah macetnya jalanan, kita bertiga harus cari taksi balik ke pusat keramaian Kuta. Susahnya ya, tolong! Gue bersyukur atas keputusan gue buat check-in hotel dulu tadi sore, jadi ga perlu bawa-bawa koper gede di pinggir jalan. Seburuk-buruknya kalo harus jalan kaki sambil gendong Mat .. hhhhh.
Ketemu Blue Bird Taksi, tapi sopirnya ga mau. Alasannya: Macet, Pak! Perasaan kalo di Jakarta, asalkan bukan karena banjir ato huru-hara ato major force, taksi biar macet mau aja narik penumpang.
Ketemu beberapa taksi non-Blue Bird, yang pastinya juga non-argo, pada ga mau berhenti biarpun lampu taksi di atasnya menyala. Ini jual mahal, ga butuh duit, ato gimana ya?
Ketemu satu taksi bobrok yang bagasinya mencicit serta bau rokok, borongan 40ribu. Ya sudah. Angkut! Sopirnya ga tau Sheraton Kuta di mana pula. Udah dibilang di Jalan Pantai Kuta, masih aja bingung. Udah dibilang, hotelnya pas di seberang pantai, deretan Beachwalk, gue tau jalan ke sana, ikutin aja terus .. masih ga yakin juga. Halah. Kalo yang diantar turis asing, ngkali bisa dibawa nyasar sampe balik ke negara asalnya.
Untungnya sopir taksi sopan dan ramah. Jadi gue juga ikutan easy lah. Lagi liburan hari pertama gitu lho.
Mat seneng banget begitu taksi masuk ke gerbang hotel. Di pintu masuk dia juga seneng pas dikasih kuntum bunga kamboja sama penyambut tamu. Dan begitu masuk ke kamar .. sama seperti gue, hal pertama yang dia bilang: "Ada bath tub! Yaaaaaaay!! Mama, Mat2 mau berendam!"
Dan begitu kran air bath tub dinyalakan .. banjir lokal terjadi di dalam kamar mandi sampai luber ke foyer. S.O.S! Mayday, mayday! Maintenance dan Housekeeping pun datang. Ternyata drainage seal bath tub yang bermasalah. Jadi acara rendaman terpaksa ditunda untuk sementara waktu ..
.. kita belanja aja dulu.
Keluar hotel cari mini market buat beli beberapa keperluan esensial, seperti susu kotak dan sereal buat Mat, cemilan dan minuman ringan buat Andri. Kuta was still very alive at this hour. Hard to recall Christmas Day was not over yet.
Balik ke kamar hotel, semua udah rapi kembali. Time for Mat to spend time as a merman in the tub. Mantabs!
Dia juga yang nemuin rollerblind yang ternyata dipasang buat nutupin dinding kaca kamar mandi. Wokeh. We did have some decency after all.
Day 1 - wrapped.
And with this Heavy Heart ..
Last Saturday morning.
My weekend activity had just started when I heard a devastating news of 20 children and 6 adults were gunned down by a 20-year old young man at Sandy Hook Elementary School, in Newtown, Connecticut, U.S.A.
It was not the first school mass shooting I heard happened. But this one was all too senseless because the target was .. an elementary school.
I managed to avoid TV news for the whole day (and the day after). Couldn't resist the internet though. Once I opened a related link, my fingers couldn't stop clicking every single news posted on the net, reading every words, just to find answers ..
.. on how, why ..
My heart was heavy.
Some people might think that I overreacted. It happened in a country far away from where I stood. How it could affect me this much while in my own country, murders happened almost everyday. Some caused children's death too. I would never want to compare it with thousands of children died in the path of wars around the world. Or died by accidents, hunger, sickness and neglects. Nothing was fair.
President Barrack Obama's speech was written beautifully. Aside from the issue of his fake emotional display, it was a very moving deliverance, reflecting all parents' fear, love and loss. He cried. I cried.
My heart was too heavy.
It was 11 days before Christmas. At this time of year when holiday is coming. When trees are decorated and all lit up. Where peace on earth should never be ruined by evil formed in human. When the air should be filled with children carolings. Not with the sound of gunshots, screams and cries. Not with the sound of death.
Their pictures gave me another blow. First-graders and dedicated teachers who had to face minutes of terror and enduring piercing bullets. I found myself embracing their beaming smile, the twinkles in their eyes showed on my screen. Once again I cried for their sweetness taken away tragically.
Blame it on my sappiness. Blame it on my hormones or whatever.
.. and with this still very heavy heart, I'm posting ..
For the lost innocent little angels, for the families who have to spend Christmas in grief, for the unopened gifts under the tree ..
Thank you for all of the teachers, who read to her class during the mass shooting, for their shields, for their lives protecting their students. For their acts of courage and love ..
I am a mother of a son, who is at the same age with the youngest victim. Words may have been lost in me, but my heart is mourning together with you ..
I look at Mat while he's playing happily in his youth. I watch him sleeping at night. Every second of it I feel blessed and grateful .. for I'm still allowed to touch his face, to hug him tight and to kiss him. To see him smiling, to hear him laughing. The feeling is too enormous.
Newtown, Connecticut, 14th December 2012 ..
One child's death is one too many.
You are in a much, much better place. Rest in peace.
My weekend activity had just started when I heard a devastating news of 20 children and 6 adults were gunned down by a 20-year old young man at Sandy Hook Elementary School, in Newtown, Connecticut, U.S.A.
It was not the first school mass shooting I heard happened. But this one was all too senseless because the target was .. an elementary school.
I managed to avoid TV news for the whole day (and the day after). Couldn't resist the internet though. Once I opened a related link, my fingers couldn't stop clicking every single news posted on the net, reading every words, just to find answers ..
.. on how, why ..
My heart was heavy.
Some people might think that I overreacted. It happened in a country far away from where I stood. How it could affect me this much while in my own country, murders happened almost everyday. Some caused children's death too. I would never want to compare it with thousands of children died in the path of wars around the world. Or died by accidents, hunger, sickness and neglects. Nothing was fair.
President Barrack Obama's speech was written beautifully. Aside from the issue of his fake emotional display, it was a very moving deliverance, reflecting all parents' fear, love and loss. He cried. I cried.
My heart was too heavy.
It was 11 days before Christmas. At this time of year when holiday is coming. When trees are decorated and all lit up. Where peace on earth should never be ruined by evil formed in human. When the air should be filled with children carolings. Not with the sound of gunshots, screams and cries. Not with the sound of death.
Their pictures gave me another blow. First-graders and dedicated teachers who had to face minutes of terror and enduring piercing bullets. I found myself embracing their beaming smile, the twinkles in their eyes showed on my screen. Once again I cried for their sweetness taken away tragically.
Blame it on my sappiness. Blame it on my hormones or whatever.
.. and with this still very heavy heart, I'm posting ..
For the lost innocent little angels, for the families who have to spend Christmas in grief, for the unopened gifts under the tree ..
Thank you for all of the teachers, who read to her class during the mass shooting, for their shields, for their lives protecting their students. For their acts of courage and love ..
I am a mother of a son, who is at the same age with the youngest victim. Words may have been lost in me, but my heart is mourning together with you ..
I look at Mat while he's playing happily in his youth. I watch him sleeping at night. Every second of it I feel blessed and grateful .. for I'm still allowed to touch his face, to hug him tight and to kiss him. To see him smiling, to hear him laughing. The feeling is too enormous.
Newtown, Connecticut, 14th December 2012 ..
One child's death is one too many.
You are in a much, much better place. Rest in peace.
The Day When Mom Hit a Jackpot
.. is a day to remember.
Now let's see how fast Mat can spend these acorns.
How to Put Mom to Bed
Early this evening Mom was so sleepy, she decided to take a quick nap in Mat's bedroom. After a while, Mat went in and saw Mom was half-asleep on his bed. He got Louie the Dog and quietly placed him in Mom's arm. Then he went to get Karyn the Pug, and again, quietly placed her in Mom's arm too, side by side with Louie. Then he went to get a Christmas music box, the one with three angels playing "Silent Night", turned it on and placed it right beside the bed. After all done, he closed the bedroom door so slowly and left Mom alone in peace.
Mom knew everything Mat was doing, and couldn't stand smiling.
Because this is exactly what Mom does to put Mat to bed. Only he will have Woofie the Lab in his arm, and eventhough Mom is not an angel or something in par, she does sing beside Mat before he sleeps.
Mom knew everything Mat was doing, and couldn't stand smiling.
Because this is exactly what Mom does to put Mat to bed. Only he will have Woofie the Lab in his arm, and eventhough Mom is not an angel or something in par, she does sing beside Mat before he sleeps.
A child is a wonderful copycat.
Balada Uang Receh
Berasa ga sih kalo semakin lama nominal uang yang dihargai di negeri kita ini, terutama di kota Jakarta dan sekitarnya, semakin besar? Dan uang yang nominalnya kecil makin ga dianggap sebagai uang?
Pernah ragu-ragu ngasih tip senilai cuma limaribu? Apa kurang? Apa nanti dikira pelit? Tukang parkir pinggir jalan aja sering malak uang parkir limaribu, masa ini ngasih tip di salon ato hotel ato restoran disamain segitu? Apa kata dunia? Yang ekstrim bakalan bilang, "Mendingan ga usah ngasih tip daripada malu-maluin".
Ngasih angpao pun lebih bergengsi dengan lembaran sepuluhribu dibanding dengan dua lembar limaribu. Biarpun jaman sekarang semua juga pasti dibilang pelit kalo cuma mampu ngisi angpao senilai sepuluhribu.
Pernah berasa susahnya nyari uang lembaran seribu? Yang masih mulus dan garing? Kalopun kedapetan tuh seribuan, rata-rata wujudnya udah pada lecek, buluk dan bau. Entah udah keliling negeri dan pindah tangan berapa kali. Yang pengen cepet-cepet kita "buang" supaya ga bikin dompet dan tangan kita terkontaminasi kuman.
Ada yang punya pengalaman kelimpungan bayar taksi yang argometernya mengandung angka seribu? Di dompet cuma ada lembaran nominal besar, sedangkan sopir taksi ngakunya juga ga punya kembalian. Gue pernah harus bayar argo enamribu, tapi adanya dua lembar limaribu di dompet. Sisanya limapuluhribuan, percuma kan. Mana rela gue ngasih semuanya ke si sopir taksi? Dia juga bisa aja tipu-tipu demi ngedapetin uang lebih. Disuruh cari tukang parkir ato tukang ojek buat tuker uang kecil dia ga mau. Malah dia minta gue pegang aja tu uang, buat "nambah-nambah". Maksudnya? Gue kere, begitu? Kalo ngikutin kata hati yang tengah tersinggung, pengennya sih gue ga bayar tu taksi. Tapi ga mau nambah dosa lah sama orang kecil begitu. Gue kasih limaribu plus logam limaratus yang ketemu setelah gue korek-korek dompet gue yang malang. Terima ga terima. Biar dia rugi limaratus. Sapa suruh narik taksi siang-siang begitu masih ngaku ga punya kembalian empatribu? Jadi dari pagi ngapain aje? Ngukur jalanan pake gelindingan ban taksi lo?
Nah, jadinya gimana nasib uang receh logam yang kecil-kecil itu?
Saat ini logam seribuan masih sangat beruntung karena umurnya masih muda, masih banyak yang mengkilap, tipis seperti koin game, dan masih lumayan langka sehingga sangat layak buat dikoleksi atau dimasukkan celengan. Banyak dicari karena yah .. daripada nyimpenin lembaran seribuan dekil.
Logam limaratus lebih beruntung lagi, karena dia ga punya saingan. Ya, mana mungkin menyobek lembaran atau memotong logam seribu menjadi dua buat ngedapetin jumlah limaratus? Seorang jenius matematika pun bakalan dianggap seorang idiot ga ketolong kalo dia berani membayar sesuatu dengan setengah lembaran seribu.
Tapi berasa ga, kalo si logam limaratus ini pun mulai memberatkan dompet dan mulai ga dianggap? Pernah membayar dengan menambahkan limaratus hanya untuk mendapatkan uang kembalian dengan nominal "bulat"? Bayar uang tol sebesar empatribulimaratus dengan uang sejumlah limaribulimaratus? Ambil kalkulator, hayo. Jadi kembalinya seribu bukan? Bukan limaratus kan? Sukur-sukur dapet logam seribu yang mengkilap itu. Tapi seringkali juga itu limaratus dikembalikan lagi dengan ditambah limaratus, hanya karena si petugas tol ga mau ngumpulin recehan.
Lalu, gimana dengan logam duaratus? Siapapun yang punya ide mendesain dan mengeluarkan nominal logam ini ke dunia keuangan Indonesia, pasti ga punya maksud selain bertujuan menghapuskan logam seratus, berikut anak-anaknya yang bernama limapuluh dan duapuluhlima, dari muka bumi pertiwi.
Kembali ke beberapa paragraf di atas yang menuliskan pendapat ekstrim mengenai nilai uang tip (dan juga tentang si sopir taksi bego). Gue pernah ngalamin hinaan penting lainnya. Kali ini sama seorang tukar parkir di ruko daerah bergengsi Kelapa Gading. Dulu tuh parkir di pinggir jalan masih seharga limaratus. Iya lah. Parkirnya kagak dibantuin, pas mau keluar baru deh para tukang parkir berlari-lari dengan lucunya seperti pemuda kasmaran mengejar pemudi idamannya di film-film jadul. Dengan sangat menyesal, gue lagi buru-buru dan ga sempet buka dompet nyari uang lembaran. Dan pas di dashboard ada logam seratus lima biji. (Dicatat ya, saat itu juga belom ada yang namanya logam duaratus atau limaratus. Seharusnya logam seratus pun masih sangat bernilai).
Gue buka kaca mobil gue, dan gue serahkan logam-logam seratus itu ..
.. si tukang parkir melempar semuanya kembali ke dalam mobil sambil marah-marah ga jelas. Semuanya. Sampe berkerincingan dan bertebaran di dekat kaki gue.
Oho! Gue tutup kaca dan tancap gas dengan suara kenceng, meninggalkan debu dan asap knalpot ke muka si monyet parkir yang berkutu itu. Lumayan, ga usah bayar.
Jadi memang kondisinya dari dulu udah begitu. Ga guna pemerintah mengeluarkan uang logam yang pada akhirnya ga mau diterima juga oleh orang-orang yang katanya butuh uang.
Kasir supermarket dulu masih punya sopan santun mengganti uang kembalian receh dengan permen. Walaupun permennya ga enak, harganya ga sebanding, dan sangat tidak dianjurkan oleh dokter-dokter gigi. Tapi kalo permen-permen itu dikumpulin, apa bisa nanti dipake buat beli sembako di supermarket yang sama?
Seiring perkembangan waktu dan kenaikan inflasi, permen diganti dengan "Maaf, ga ada kembalian, Bu." Cih. Kenapa gue ga pernah terpikir membalas dengan, "Tidak ada maaf bagimu. Mana kembalian saya?" Hmm.
Dunia semakin apatis di kala para kasir mulai melupakan kemampuan berhitung mereka dan menjadi buta angka. Nilai-nilai ganjil dan kecil ga bisa kebaca sama mereka. (Untung mereka bukan pialang saham). Ga ada lagi permen, ga ada lagi basa-basi permintaan maaf. Harga barang dipatok ganjil-ganjil. Tapi uang kembalian semua dibulatkan ke bawah secara otomatis. Malah ada yang ga pernah menyediakan uang logam seratus. Coba hitung, berapa banyak orang yang belanja dalam sehari, dikalikan sejumlah rupiah yang ga mereka kembalikan? Dikalikan seminggu, sebulan, setahun? Itu bisa jadi pencurian terencana skala besar.
Gue yakin pasti nanti ada yang bilang, kalo gitu kenapa ga bayar pake kartu kredit atau kartu debit aja? Satu rupiah pun bisa dipencet kan.
Kawan, memang betul. Tapi ada yang lo lupakan:
1. Kartu kredit punya iuran tahunan yang mesti dibayar, dan belanjanya pun harus senilai minimum.
2. Kartu debit punya administrasi bulanan, dan belanjanya pun senilai minimum. Coba aja lo ajuin kartu debit elo buat bayar belanjaan senilai empatribusembilanratustujuhpuluhlima rupiah. Dan liat tampang si kasir jadinya begimana.
3. Ada kalanya mesin EDC rusak.
4. Ada kalanya lo memang harus bayar tunai.
Gue pasti kesel kalo ga dapet kembalian yang sesuai. Kalo sekali-kali masih bisa diterima. Tapi nih, semakin didiemin, semakin cuek mereka. Jadi dianggap itu sudah biasa dan bukan masalah besar. Lagian, apa ga buang-buang waktu aja bikin ribut di tempat umum cuma karena masalah uang receh? Walaupun itu hak gue sebagai konsumen dan itu uang gue yang mereka curi.
So, gue belom pernah bikin ribut. Sebaliknya, kalo gue kebetulan dapet uang receh, terutama logam limapuluh dan seratus, gue kumpulin buat bayar belanjaan yang harganya ganjil. Kalo logam dupuluhlima (apalagi limaperak dan sepuluhperak), yah apa boleh buat, jarang nemu. Tapi bukan berarti ga ada lho. Gue masih punya beberapa logam duapuluh lima. Dan terus terang, gue ga sabar nunggu saat yang tepat dimana gue bisa keluarin tu logam duapuluhlima dan ngasih itu ke kasir. Gue pengen tau apa diterima ato ga. Barangkali karena mereka ga mau nerima, jadinya kembalian gue bisa dibulatkan ke atas. Hyeh-heh-heh.
Dan karena gue sering kelupaan kalo gue tuh punya uang receh, gue kumpulin di satu dompet koin yang lucu, supaya gue demen dan ga pernah ketinggalan bawa.
Logam limaratus dan seribu, gue masukin celengan. Kalo dah penuh, ini masih bisa ditukar dengan uang lembaran dan dipindahin ke bank. Kalo suatu saat nanti kedua nominal ini pun udah ga dihargai, ya gue kumpulin lagi di dompet koin buat dibawa belanja.
Tempat-tempat yang perlu diwaspadai karena penuh dengan pencuri uang receh: Hypermart, mini market, restoran yang mengenakan PPN (yes, McDonald's, I'm talking to you! Gue tinggal tunggu aja waktunya dimana lo ga mau lagi nyediain logam duaratus dan limaratus), taksi dengan argometer, gerbang tol (karena mereka seneng banget ngasih kembalian asal-asalan, yang robek lah, yang dekil lah, uang receh yang diselotip jadi satu lah, uang receh yang dibungkus dengan uang lembaran lah. Mana sempat gue ngitung kembalian di gerbang tol?).
Gue jadikan tempat-tempat ini juga sebagai sasaran untuk "membuang" uang receh. Hari ini, gue udah serahkan empat logam seratusan ke McDonald's Supermal (kasirnya seperti biasa ga mau ngembaliin seratus, jadi gue kasih empatratus recehan dan minta dia kembaliin limaratus), juga satu logam limapuluhan ke Hypermart (smooth!).
Memang sih pastinya gue ga bisa setiap kali belanja dengan cara begini. Tergantung mood juga ye. Kalo lagi baik, amal dikit boleh lah. Tapi kalo mereka ga bisa diandalkan buat ngasih uang kembalian yang pas, gue yang bakalan bayar belanjaan dengan uang pas. Kalo mereka ga menghargai uang receh gue, gue akan kasih pilihan mereka buat nerima uang receh gue atau mereka kasih uang kembali yang pas. Terserah bagaimana. Kalo ditawarin pengganti kembalian, gue hanya mau mempertimbangkan coklat Toblerone atau Ferrero Rocher.
Mari kita buat perhitungan.
Pernah ragu-ragu ngasih tip senilai cuma limaribu? Apa kurang? Apa nanti dikira pelit? Tukang parkir pinggir jalan aja sering malak uang parkir limaribu, masa ini ngasih tip di salon ato hotel ato restoran disamain segitu? Apa kata dunia? Yang ekstrim bakalan bilang, "Mendingan ga usah ngasih tip daripada malu-maluin".
Ngasih angpao pun lebih bergengsi dengan lembaran sepuluhribu dibanding dengan dua lembar limaribu. Biarpun jaman sekarang semua juga pasti dibilang pelit kalo cuma mampu ngisi angpao senilai sepuluhribu.
Pernah berasa susahnya nyari uang lembaran seribu? Yang masih mulus dan garing? Kalopun kedapetan tuh seribuan, rata-rata wujudnya udah pada lecek, buluk dan bau. Entah udah keliling negeri dan pindah tangan berapa kali. Yang pengen cepet-cepet kita "buang" supaya ga bikin dompet dan tangan kita terkontaminasi kuman.
Ada yang punya pengalaman kelimpungan bayar taksi yang argometernya mengandung angka seribu? Di dompet cuma ada lembaran nominal besar, sedangkan sopir taksi ngakunya juga ga punya kembalian. Gue pernah harus bayar argo enamribu, tapi adanya dua lembar limaribu di dompet. Sisanya limapuluhribuan, percuma kan. Mana rela gue ngasih semuanya ke si sopir taksi? Dia juga bisa aja tipu-tipu demi ngedapetin uang lebih. Disuruh cari tukang parkir ato tukang ojek buat tuker uang kecil dia ga mau. Malah dia minta gue pegang aja tu uang, buat "nambah-nambah". Maksudnya? Gue kere, begitu? Kalo ngikutin kata hati yang tengah tersinggung, pengennya sih gue ga bayar tu taksi. Tapi ga mau nambah dosa lah sama orang kecil begitu. Gue kasih limaribu plus logam limaratus yang ketemu setelah gue korek-korek dompet gue yang malang. Terima ga terima. Biar dia rugi limaratus. Sapa suruh narik taksi siang-siang begitu masih ngaku ga punya kembalian empatribu? Jadi dari pagi ngapain aje? Ngukur jalanan pake gelindingan ban taksi lo?
Nah, jadinya gimana nasib uang receh logam yang kecil-kecil itu?
Saat ini logam seribuan masih sangat beruntung karena umurnya masih muda, masih banyak yang mengkilap, tipis seperti koin game, dan masih lumayan langka sehingga sangat layak buat dikoleksi atau dimasukkan celengan. Banyak dicari karena yah .. daripada nyimpenin lembaran seribuan dekil.
Logam limaratus lebih beruntung lagi, karena dia ga punya saingan. Ya, mana mungkin menyobek lembaran atau memotong logam seribu menjadi dua buat ngedapetin jumlah limaratus? Seorang jenius matematika pun bakalan dianggap seorang idiot ga ketolong kalo dia berani membayar sesuatu dengan setengah lembaran seribu.
Tapi berasa ga, kalo si logam limaratus ini pun mulai memberatkan dompet dan mulai ga dianggap? Pernah membayar dengan menambahkan limaratus hanya untuk mendapatkan uang kembalian dengan nominal "bulat"? Bayar uang tol sebesar empatribulimaratus dengan uang sejumlah limaribulimaratus? Ambil kalkulator, hayo. Jadi kembalinya seribu bukan? Bukan limaratus kan? Sukur-sukur dapet logam seribu yang mengkilap itu. Tapi seringkali juga itu limaratus dikembalikan lagi dengan ditambah limaratus, hanya karena si petugas tol ga mau ngumpulin recehan.
Lalu, gimana dengan logam duaratus? Siapapun yang punya ide mendesain dan mengeluarkan nominal logam ini ke dunia keuangan Indonesia, pasti ga punya maksud selain bertujuan menghapuskan logam seratus, berikut anak-anaknya yang bernama limapuluh dan duapuluhlima, dari muka bumi pertiwi.
Kembali ke beberapa paragraf di atas yang menuliskan pendapat ekstrim mengenai nilai uang tip (dan juga tentang si sopir taksi bego). Gue pernah ngalamin hinaan penting lainnya. Kali ini sama seorang tukar parkir di ruko daerah bergengsi Kelapa Gading. Dulu tuh parkir di pinggir jalan masih seharga limaratus. Iya lah. Parkirnya kagak dibantuin, pas mau keluar baru deh para tukang parkir berlari-lari dengan lucunya seperti pemuda kasmaran mengejar pemudi idamannya di film-film jadul. Dengan sangat menyesal, gue lagi buru-buru dan ga sempet buka dompet nyari uang lembaran. Dan pas di dashboard ada logam seratus lima biji. (Dicatat ya, saat itu juga belom ada yang namanya logam duaratus atau limaratus. Seharusnya logam seratus pun masih sangat bernilai).
Gue buka kaca mobil gue, dan gue serahkan logam-logam seratus itu ..
.. si tukang parkir melempar semuanya kembali ke dalam mobil sambil marah-marah ga jelas. Semuanya. Sampe berkerincingan dan bertebaran di dekat kaki gue.
Oho! Gue tutup kaca dan tancap gas dengan suara kenceng, meninggalkan debu dan asap knalpot ke muka si monyet parkir yang berkutu itu. Lumayan, ga usah bayar.
Jadi memang kondisinya dari dulu udah begitu. Ga guna pemerintah mengeluarkan uang logam yang pada akhirnya ga mau diterima juga oleh orang-orang yang katanya butuh uang.
Kasir supermarket dulu masih punya sopan santun mengganti uang kembalian receh dengan permen. Walaupun permennya ga enak, harganya ga sebanding, dan sangat tidak dianjurkan oleh dokter-dokter gigi. Tapi kalo permen-permen itu dikumpulin, apa bisa nanti dipake buat beli sembako di supermarket yang sama?
Seiring perkembangan waktu dan kenaikan inflasi, permen diganti dengan "Maaf, ga ada kembalian, Bu." Cih. Kenapa gue ga pernah terpikir membalas dengan, "Tidak ada maaf bagimu. Mana kembalian saya?" Hmm.
Dunia semakin apatis di kala para kasir mulai melupakan kemampuan berhitung mereka dan menjadi buta angka. Nilai-nilai ganjil dan kecil ga bisa kebaca sama mereka. (Untung mereka bukan pialang saham). Ga ada lagi permen, ga ada lagi basa-basi permintaan maaf. Harga barang dipatok ganjil-ganjil. Tapi uang kembalian semua dibulatkan ke bawah secara otomatis. Malah ada yang ga pernah menyediakan uang logam seratus. Coba hitung, berapa banyak orang yang belanja dalam sehari, dikalikan sejumlah rupiah yang ga mereka kembalikan? Dikalikan seminggu, sebulan, setahun? Itu bisa jadi pencurian terencana skala besar.
Gue yakin pasti nanti ada yang bilang, kalo gitu kenapa ga bayar pake kartu kredit atau kartu debit aja? Satu rupiah pun bisa dipencet kan.
Kawan, memang betul. Tapi ada yang lo lupakan:
1. Kartu kredit punya iuran tahunan yang mesti dibayar, dan belanjanya pun harus senilai minimum.
2. Kartu debit punya administrasi bulanan, dan belanjanya pun senilai minimum. Coba aja lo ajuin kartu debit elo buat bayar belanjaan senilai empatribusembilanratustujuhpuluhlima rupiah. Dan liat tampang si kasir jadinya begimana.
3. Ada kalanya mesin EDC rusak.
4. Ada kalanya lo memang harus bayar tunai.
Gue pasti kesel kalo ga dapet kembalian yang sesuai. Kalo sekali-kali masih bisa diterima. Tapi nih, semakin didiemin, semakin cuek mereka. Jadi dianggap itu sudah biasa dan bukan masalah besar. Lagian, apa ga buang-buang waktu aja bikin ribut di tempat umum cuma karena masalah uang receh? Walaupun itu hak gue sebagai konsumen dan itu uang gue yang mereka curi.
So, gue belom pernah bikin ribut. Sebaliknya, kalo gue kebetulan dapet uang receh, terutama logam limapuluh dan seratus, gue kumpulin buat bayar belanjaan yang harganya ganjil. Kalo logam dupuluhlima (apalagi limaperak dan sepuluhperak), yah apa boleh buat, jarang nemu. Tapi bukan berarti ga ada lho. Gue masih punya beberapa logam duapuluh lima. Dan terus terang, gue ga sabar nunggu saat yang tepat dimana gue bisa keluarin tu logam duapuluhlima dan ngasih itu ke kasir. Gue pengen tau apa diterima ato ga. Barangkali karena mereka ga mau nerima, jadinya kembalian gue bisa dibulatkan ke atas. Hyeh-heh-heh.
Dan karena gue sering kelupaan kalo gue tuh punya uang receh, gue kumpulin di satu dompet koin yang lucu, supaya gue demen dan ga pernah ketinggalan bawa.
Logam limaratus dan seribu, gue masukin celengan. Kalo dah penuh, ini masih bisa ditukar dengan uang lembaran dan dipindahin ke bank. Kalo suatu saat nanti kedua nominal ini pun udah ga dihargai, ya gue kumpulin lagi di dompet koin buat dibawa belanja.
Tempat-tempat yang perlu diwaspadai karena penuh dengan pencuri uang receh: Hypermart, mini market, restoran yang mengenakan PPN (yes, McDonald's, I'm talking to you! Gue tinggal tunggu aja waktunya dimana lo ga mau lagi nyediain logam duaratus dan limaratus), taksi dengan argometer, gerbang tol (karena mereka seneng banget ngasih kembalian asal-asalan, yang robek lah, yang dekil lah, uang receh yang diselotip jadi satu lah, uang receh yang dibungkus dengan uang lembaran lah. Mana sempat gue ngitung kembalian di gerbang tol?).
Gue jadikan tempat-tempat ini juga sebagai sasaran untuk "membuang" uang receh. Hari ini, gue udah serahkan empat logam seratusan ke McDonald's Supermal (kasirnya seperti biasa ga mau ngembaliin seratus, jadi gue kasih empatratus recehan dan minta dia kembaliin limaratus), juga satu logam limapuluhan ke Hypermart (smooth!).
Memang sih pastinya gue ga bisa setiap kali belanja dengan cara begini. Tergantung mood juga ye. Kalo lagi baik, amal dikit boleh lah. Tapi kalo mereka ga bisa diandalkan buat ngasih uang kembalian yang pas, gue yang bakalan bayar belanjaan dengan uang pas. Kalo mereka ga menghargai uang receh gue, gue akan kasih pilihan mereka buat nerima uang receh gue atau mereka kasih uang kembali yang pas. Terserah bagaimana. Kalo ditawarin pengganti kembalian, gue hanya mau mempertimbangkan coklat Toblerone atau Ferrero Rocher.
Mari kita buat perhitungan.
Life
When I see life posted on Facebook, I wonder how is it that other people's life can be so perfect. For a split second, I envy them. But then I realize, no one can ever know what's behind the pretty pictures, what's behind the wonderful stories they posted, what's the unseen, what's the untold. No one can ever know how they sort the good and the bad out of their friends' and public's eyes. Because the truth is, life is not that perfect. Behind every happiness, there are struggles, tears and heartbreaks. We can never know.
I see my life. I may have said, as others said the same about theirs, that my life is perfect.
Well, it's not. But I love it. And always am grateful for it.
I see my life. I may have said, as others said the same about theirs, that my life is perfect.
Well, it's not. But I love it. And always am grateful for it.
Declaration of Ambitions
I don't need you to be able to speak multi-language.
I want you to be able to speak kindness in any language.
I don't need you to win any games or competitions.
I want you to win your Dad's and my heart every single moment.
I don't need you to brag about things you have more than others.
I want you to be able to respect and never underestimate people.
I don't need you to feel inferior or threatened by other people's accomplishments.
I want you to believe you will get there in your time and be proud of yourself in every little thing you do.
I don't need you to take comparisons heavily.
I want you to understand that you are incomparable and wonderful in your own way.
I don't need you to have doubts in voicing out your mind.
I want you to believe everything can be reasoned and you will get every support you need.
I don't need you to grow up good-looking.
I want you to grow up always posing yourself gracefully, caringly and lovingly.
I don't need you to be rich in quantity.
I want you to be rich in quality.
I don't need you to present medals, trophies or money.
I want you to be able to present your love, in big or small ways, for as long as you live.
I may not have many ambitions in my life, but these are mine for you, my son. As children are mirrors of their parents' ambitions, my goal is to make these to happen upon you.
Remind me if I somehow fail showing you this during my rough times: That I love you. With all my heart and soul. For as long as I live.
I want you to be able to speak kindness in any language.
I don't need you to win any games or competitions.
I want you to win your Dad's and my heart every single moment.
I don't need you to brag about things you have more than others.
I want you to be able to respect and never underestimate people.
I don't need you to feel inferior or threatened by other people's accomplishments.
I want you to believe you will get there in your time and be proud of yourself in every little thing you do.
I don't need you to take comparisons heavily.
I want you to understand that you are incomparable and wonderful in your own way.
I don't need you to have doubts in voicing out your mind.
I want you to believe everything can be reasoned and you will get every support you need.
I don't need you to grow up good-looking.
I want you to grow up always posing yourself gracefully, caringly and lovingly.
I don't need you to be rich in quantity.
I want you to be rich in quality.
I don't need you to present medals, trophies or money.
I want you to be able to present your love, in big or small ways, for as long as you live.
I may not have many ambitions in my life, but these are mine for you, my son. As children are mirrors of their parents' ambitions, my goal is to make these to happen upon you.
Remind me if I somehow fail showing you this during my rough times: That I love you. With all my heart and soul. For as long as I live.
What is happening to this world ..
Not so long ago we've heard a two-year old got hit-and-run in China. Twice. Run over by two different cars. Completely been ignored by eighteen bypassers. She died in the hospital a week later. A blurry disturbing CCTV recordings were available online. I couldn't get my mind straight while watching how the drivers and the bypassers treated this little girl as a kinda invisible rock.
Last Sunday we've heard a two-and-a-half-year old was hit by a car in Jakarta. A car driven by a drug-drunk driver. Killed the boy, along with the other 8 people. Hurting 4 more people. Amateur videos showing the aftermath were available online too. One particular video was not only graphic with all the bodies and blood scattered on the street. It was also heart-breaking, showing a desperate attempt of a father trying to save his little son. It was hard to know if the boy was still alive by then, but we could see him irresponsive, expressionless with his eyes and mouth half-open .. till we saw a hand of a stranger touching this little kid forehead and sounding a prayer for him .. then we knew this kid was dying. Been haunting me for days now.
Sometimes it doesn't make any sense. How could people record this .. why couldn't they put their recorders down and give their hands out to help instead? Why they had to share it for the world to see? And why are we digging and watching this? Why we keep on watching, unable to turn our eyes away from whatever it's showing there no matter how difficult it is to take?
Sometimes we thank the people who provide us with these kind of videos so we can get clearer pictures of what happened. To show us a little bit of humanity in the midst of terrible maths. We saw a samaritan stopped and helped the little girl in China, how a rubbish collector could care more than the apathists.
We witnessed the relentless love of a father. How he held his son while checking on the rest of his family who got hit as well, how he never gave up trying to feed him with a bottle of milk, how he checked his heartbeats, how he kissed him ..
.. Everytime I see that picture, I'm longing to kiss my son ..
We thank those who posted the videos online. Reminding us that life is so short. Reminding us to appreciate people. Reminding us to spend our time loving our beloved ones while we still can.
Last Sunday we've heard a two-and-a-half-year old was hit by a car in Jakarta. A car driven by a drug-drunk driver. Killed the boy, along with the other 8 people. Hurting 4 more people. Amateur videos showing the aftermath were available online too. One particular video was not only graphic with all the bodies and blood scattered on the street. It was also heart-breaking, showing a desperate attempt of a father trying to save his little son. It was hard to know if the boy was still alive by then, but we could see him irresponsive, expressionless with his eyes and mouth half-open .. till we saw a hand of a stranger touching this little kid forehead and sounding a prayer for him .. then we knew this kid was dying. Been haunting me for days now.
Sometimes it doesn't make any sense. How could people record this .. why couldn't they put their recorders down and give their hands out to help instead? Why they had to share it for the world to see? And why are we digging and watching this? Why we keep on watching, unable to turn our eyes away from whatever it's showing there no matter how difficult it is to take?
Sometimes we thank the people who provide us with these kind of videos so we can get clearer pictures of what happened. To show us a little bit of humanity in the midst of terrible maths. We saw a samaritan stopped and helped the little girl in China, how a rubbish collector could care more than the apathists.
We witnessed the relentless love of a father. How he held his son while checking on the rest of his family who got hit as well, how he never gave up trying to feed him with a bottle of milk, how he checked his heartbeats, how he kissed him ..
.. Everytime I see that picture, I'm longing to kiss my son ..
We thank those who posted the videos online. Reminding us that life is so short. Reminding us to appreciate people. Reminding us to spend our time loving our beloved ones while we still can.
The Accidental Midnight Artist
Last night after wrapping up the activities, I went to Mat's room to check on him. He was sleeping. I gave him a kiss and was about to exit the room when I heard some mumblings. Mat did talk in his sleep often when he'd had too much of his day. But this time, I recognized this ..
.. am I supposed to leave you now .. when you're looking like that ..
I was dumbfounded. Then I listened closely ..
.. am I supposed to leave you now .. when you're looking like that .. I can't believe what I just gave away, now I can't take it back ..
I bursted out laughing. I had my Blackberry in my hands, was in the middle of chatting with Ema .. and I just couldn't continue typing except "hahahahahahahahahahaahah". It was so hard to restrain the sound of my laughters, till I managed to reduce it into endless gigglings. Still, it stirred Mat up. He stared at me half asleep and said, "What?", as if I somehow had mocked him. So I had to put everything away - the giggles, and the berry - and tried to put him back to sleep. While wondering if I would get more Westlife's songs from him for the rest of the night. No luck, though. He was fast into soundless sleep.
Previously:
Earlier in the evening, just before Mat's bedtime, I played a Westlife karaoke DVD, and sang together with Mat for about 30 minutes. I passed the microphone to him and asked him to sing his favorites songs on his own so I could record it with my mobile phone. He requested "Uptown Girl", which ended in total silent. Then "Flying Without Wings", which after seconds past, he asked me to sing along and he joined in only at I'm flying without wiiiiiiinggsssss. Then "When You're Looking Like That", he got the refrein and asking for one repeat. Then "My Love"', which I decided to play with the audio control button to fill in the verses he couldn't sing.
Here's the recording result for the last two songs:
When karaoke session was over, he drank a glass full of water in one take. Afterwards, his Dad took him to bedroom. I heard his chatters, as usual, and an encore of "When You're Looking Like That" for a couple of times before all went quiet.
Then he decided to sing in his sleep.
.........
Next:
We will conquer the "World of Our Own". For now, Mat is happy singing it lalalalalalalalala, lalalalalalalalala, lalalalalalalalala, what am I doing without you ..
Practice Makes Perfect
At a CD store.
I found a single Source Code DVD on the rack.
Me: [thinking] Good Lord. This is my lucky day.
I grabbed it, along with Westlife's Where We Are CD, and headed off to the cashier.
Me: Can you open those for me to check first?
Cashier: Sure.
He scanned the bar codes, tore off the wrappers and handed them over to me.
I opened the CD case and the disc was in mint condition. Then I opened the DVD case ..
Me: [cursing silently] Shit. It's floating. I swear I didn't hear it loose earlier.
I checked on the disc carefully. There were thin and tiny scratches on the surface.
Me: Do you have another copy of this? I can't take this one, it's damaged.
Cashier: No, that's the last copy in our stock.
Then he tried to observe the disc, seemed that he didn't think the damage serious. I thought it was not that serious either, but hell, I needed a good that worthed my money. In the best condition I could get.
Cashier: You can try playing it first at home and if it doesn't work, we can replace it with the new one.
Ok. Now, let's do some business.
Firstly, that answer was generic, old and lame. Secondly, the store was two-hour away from my home and I didn't visit them frequently. Thirdly, he said it was their last stock, I swore on my DVD player's sake there would be no way he could get a top-up fast.
So who was he trying to fool here?
Me: I won't pay for damaged goods.
Cashier: It's already been registered.
Me: [cursing silently] F**k. Easy, go easy.
I put on a straight face and a cold tone.
Me: Just cancel it.
Cashier: Sorry, I can't cancel it, it's already been recorded into our sales. Could you try playing it at home first?
Me: It's scratched. Eventhough it can play in my player now, it won't last long because it's already scratched. Just cancel it. I'll take the Westlife CD.
Cashier: Sorry, I can't cancel it.
Me: [still cursing in silence, but it's starting to crawl slowly to the very edge of my tongue] ...
The conversation was redundant and unproductive. This was a big CD store inside a prestigious mall, yet I felt like I was in the middle of a bargaining spree at a traditional market. I was not a good bargainer just because I was too lazy to do that. Usually I preferred to leave empty-handed. Thus, I was ready to lose my Weslife too.
I counted my money at the price of the CD and put it on his counter top.
Me: [in a "take it or leave it" attitude] You cannot ask me to buy damaged goods. This is for the CD only.
He gave me a stubborn look. I gave him mine, way harsher. Then he finally turned to a lady colleague, asking her advice to cancel the DVD sale. And guess what?
Done. Deal. Piece of cake.
Me: [because I managed to be polite through the whole ordeal] Thank you.
I walked away. No Jake. But I got four Irish lads.
And I got the DVD from other store. A perfect copy.
Moral of the story:
Go figure!
Dunia Fantasi - All the Adrenaline, Guts, Fun & Fear Factors
It had been ages since the last time I visited Dunia Fantasi (Fantasy World), Ancol. Never thought I still had it in me to chase all those rides. But there was a public holiday on June 2nd and the idea of taking Mathieu to that theme park just came out impulsively. There we went, five of us (with Andri, Mat and my teenage nieces - Feli and Valen). As I could brag about myself had already tackled almost everything in the past - almost - I realize, I had overlooked those kids' rides. Who could have thought of adults riding them, anyway? And the queuing was painful. I assumed because kids' rides were limited, and you know kids could be very demanding, many of those people who were standing in line were repeaters. It took so much of our time, we .. no, I .. missed some extreme rides I'd been intrigued to try. But that outing was a mission for the kid. I humbly accepted it, but I didn't let go easily.
So when Paroki Santa Helena held a family outing on June 29th (the second public holiday in the month), and my mom was planning to take Mathieu along, would anyone really think I should miss that chance? Heh. Though I went there with the other 35 people young and old (including my mom, Mat and our maid - Tati), this time, the mission was for Mat, as always, and for myself. I set up only three targets: Tornado, Kicir-Kicir and Hysteria.
Did I succeed?
Almost.
Based on those two recent visits and many, many visits in the past, I'm grouping Dufan rides as follows. (Click on hyperlinks and pictures for more information).
These are for kids. And adults who are young at heart.
Some of these are the oldest rides. Old but never forgotten. I don't mind riding them again, only if I have spare time at the park.
I've tried this ride a couple of times. Due to the age factor, I might have run out of guts to ride it again. Need extra supply. Perhaps someday, if there's no long queue.
I haven't got a chance to try these ones. I'm not sure if I will though. But out of curiosity, who knows?
I would never ride these ones again. Never ever. Ever. Easy rides, you think? Think again.
The best, the funnest and the extremest. I'm loving it. Bring it on!
1. Dufan never gives clear information about any promotion whatsoever. When you're in front of the locket/cashier, do ask. Show every credit cards, member cards or even cellular operator logo that you have and ask for any discount. Senior visitors at the age of 60 are entitled for special price. Show some ID cards.
2. Children at the height below 100 cms are free. Any child taller than that will have to pay full price. There's a yellow line painted on the locket and there's a height measurement as well. No use to cheat on your children's height. I personally think Dufan should apply special price for kids above the height limit. How many rides can a child ride in one day, including the queuing time, anyway? And no matter how tall your children are, some rides might still be too scary for their youth. Choose it wisely.
3. The weather at Dufan area is usually hot. Wear comfortable outfits. But considering you'll be quite exposed while riding some of the extremes, you'd better not wearing anything too loose either. Bring some change.
4. Leave your high heels at home. Don't wear heavy makeup. Tie your long hair in a bun or a ponytail. Wear sneakers or sandals if you prefer (you can always take it off whenever is necessary). Being trendy doesn't hurt, but as you spend your day outdoor screaming, sweating, getting twisted and wet, nobody will pay attention to any overkill looks anyway.
5. Something's never changed. Like that stamp they gave you for your ride pass. Careful with the ink. It's likely to smear on everywhere. On your clothes and on your face. Sooner or later Dufan needs to think of a better idea to replace that stamping.
6. Drink lots and lots of water. From my last two trips, they didn't check my belongings. So you can try bringing water inside the park. Otherwise, buy it from those stalls. It's overpriced, but you got no choice.
7. Don't eat heavy meals in one shot. Especially right before or after riding on spinning or wavy patterns. It's better to chew on light snacks like popcorn or bread. Unless you're really hungry. Give it some time between rides.
8. There are free lockers available inside the park. Use it and be practical so you can go far with the rides.
9. There are maps planted at some spots. You can use it as your guide. For me, it's too confusing even to locate where I'm standing at the moment. I'd rather follow the paths freely. But if you feel the need to study the location and all the rides before you go to the park, you can find it on the website here.
10. Dufan is always packed during weekends and holidays. Know that it's almost impossible to ride everything in one day and be ready for long queuing time. Choose your targets tactfully. Everybody hates waiting. So don't complain while you're in the line. If you can't stand it, leave and come back later if you still have a chance. My tips: Extreme rides and kiddie rides are popular. If you're longing to take it first, jump into the line and endure the waiting. But if somehow you're sure you can sustain a bit, try other rides first and don't go to your targets yet. Approach it later on that day when the queuing has loosen up, hopefully. Fresh adrenaline and excitement are the best stamina boosters.
11. *If you don't like to queue, and if you have extra money in your pocket, buy the Fast Track tickets. The price is almost the same as the entrance ticket, so yeah, it's costly. Fast Track allows you to choose 6 of your favorite rides and you will able to bypass the queue. This, is one of the reasons why queuing time is endless for others who don't have that special ticket. Quite irritating, to be honest. But hey, in this country, money do talks. A lot!
12. Follow every warnings or restrictions. Don't be a jerk doing reckless or stupid actions on the ride. It's for your own safety, and for the people who ride along with you.
13. Know your limit. Of how much your body and mind can take the rides. It's not wise to show off whatever is left in you if you don't feel like it. Screaming, cursing or laughing out loud on the ride will do no harm. These things can do magic in releasing your tension and fear. Crying may get to someone else's nerves, but vomiting and fainting .. are really not cool. (I once heard someone puked while riding on Tornado, right there up above. Can you imagine getting the splash?). Observe the ride closely. Learn how it goes and its maneuvers. If you think you will not be able to handle it, leave before you get on the ride if possible. Otherwise you might be delaying everyone. (One Niagara-gara rider was almost hysteric when she realized that nobody would sit in front of her. She screamed over and over to the operator that she didn't want to sit at the front. I couldn't help but shouting at her from my queuing spot: "For God sake, just get off!! Get off!!" One other shouted to the operator: "Just ignore her and start the ride!! She's wasting our time!" Finally she got off, after almost fell down to the water because of panic). My tips: No matter how scared you are, there's nothing worse than riding with your eyes closed. You will not know what's coming ahead of you, you'll let yourself unprepared. So try to keep your eyes open. Aim your focus farther and not on the ride itself. You'll be surprised, and maybe entertained even more.
14. Always check your safety belts/locks a couple of time. It must lock firmly before the ride starts. If it doesn't or if you feel it doesn't, raise your hand and call the operator to fix it. If it still doesn't feel right, back off immediately and calmly. Safety is the number one thing to be concerned of in every ride everywhere. Though Dufan management assure you that their rides are all safe, we cannot know for sure. Don't let yourself be blinded by pure adrenaline. You gotta learn to trust your instinct as well. And don't forget to pray.
15. Extreme rides draw the most attention. That makes every people on board a celebrity. People who don't dare riding may laugh watching you, but believe me they are also amazed and amused by your courage. So give them your best and fun behavior. Something that can make them wish they had it as big as yours.
Enjoy your ride!
* added
So when Paroki Santa Helena held a family outing on June 29th (the second public holiday in the month), and my mom was planning to take Mathieu along, would anyone really think I should miss that chance? Heh. Though I went there with the other 35 people young and old (including my mom, Mat and our maid - Tati), this time, the mission was for Mat, as always, and for myself. I set up only three targets: Tornado, Kicir-Kicir and Hysteria.
Did I succeed?
Almost.
Based on those two recent visits and many, many visits in the past, I'm grouping Dufan rides as follows. (Click on hyperlinks and pictures for more information).
- Gajah Bledug (The Flying Elephant) - Observing from the queue, I bet this one is the most favorite among kids. Basically I just sat with Mat on an elephant, flying up and down and round and round. Ahh .. it's so easy to please a kid.
Burung Tempur (Pterodactyl Fighting Bird) - The ride takes form of jurassic birds called Pterodactyl. Very scary birds and it can get very high (up to 15 meters) chasing one after another. I let Mat riding with his dad instead.
Turangga-Rangga (Carousel) - What's a theme park without a merry-go-round? A grand and eye-catching ride, right after the park entrance. It looks very pretty in the evening with all those flickering lights. Kids will certainly love it. For adults, it might be quite dizzying cause the spinning is faster than usual. I am never fond of riding on spinning things. So I sit this one out for now. Mat rode with his grandma.
- Piring Oleng Ombang Ombang - It used to be my favourite. Feels like sitting on a giant plate or a saucer (dare I say, a UFO?), that is floating on a wavy ocean. Backward. Forward. For those who suffer sea-sickness, beware!
Pontang Pontang (Scramble Chair) - Fast flying chairs that seem nearly crashing with one another in random direction. I love the feel of wind blow on my face and hair. But I hate it I have to hold on really tight and trying not to be thrown and crushed to the right edge of my seat. Watch out for your kids (if they're allowed to ride on). Make sure they sit on the left side.
Istana Boneka - The star for all ages. Riding on a boat through a long tunnel filled with hundreds of animatronic dolls representing all over the world. Always gets an insane queuing. One ride should be enough for me. The boat moves really slow, it's always testing my patience. And some dolls are indeed creepy. But you know what, it's kinda nice to get on this ride at the end of the day, or when I feel tired and overheated. Just to steal a quick nap on the boat.
Lorong Sesat - A labyrinth of mirrors. Frustrating. I will never want to go inside the maze alone cause I'm no good in finding my way out. A hint I got from my last visit, the way out is by following the narrow alley. My question is, which one is the narrow one? Cause all looks the same to me. Kids are allowed to go in. But they might get scared cause the lighting is deemed and mirrors are disorienting.
Rumah Ajaib Rango-Rango (Tilt House) - a.k.a. Rumah Miring. So tilted that gravity is lost and I found myself walking like a very ancient lady; humped, slow, hard steps, grabbing things to fight the invisible force that kept pulling me down. One missed step, I could stumble and roll like a bowling ball.
Kereta Layang Alap-Alap - A mini roller-coaster. No twists, only turns. However, do not underestimate this ride. It's harsh and bumpy. I once hurt my back, knocked against the back of my seat. One of my friend's eyeglasses (which she was wearing during the ride) were thrown out of the train. Safety is moderate too. But that was a long time ago and I haven't yet ride it again. I saw the commercial that showed kids riding this roller-coaster. Kids?? Maybe now it's not that harsh anymore.
Balada Kera / Kalila Adventure Animatronic Theater - Apes and monkeys all singing and playing music. Mathieu was very disappointed to find that Balada Kera was no longer playing. Now it's been replaced by Kalila Adventure, which by the last visit it's still under preventive maintenance. Argh.
Perang Bintang (Star Wars) - A shooting ride. One train fits for 6 people. It's really fun. At first I didn't know that I had to aim my laser gun to the little green dots. I shot randomly and my score was awful. So yeah. Shoot those green dots. They're scattered everywhere. I determine to pick up my score high next time. Oh, and there's an awesome statue right infront of the venue. Take some pics.
Teater Simulator - A simulator theater, the one with the moving seats following all events and effects that's playing on the big screen. The theme changes from time to time. This time it's the movie "Journey to the Center of the Earth". Kids are okay to go in. As long as they're accompanied by adults.
Bumper Car Rides - There are Baku Toki (for adults) and Ubanga Ubanga (for kids). Both is always a favorite, a guilty pleasure. Be patient.
Perahu Ayun Kora-Kora (Boat Swing) - It's a boat that swings to reach almost 90 degrees up. When it gets to the maximum point and then it swings back down, I always feel like about to fly out of my seat, my heart drops and I just can't stand the tickly feeling inside. I think the butterflies in my stomach are having panic attack. But this one is a cool ride. Try the backseats.
Rajawali (The Flying Condor) - Seeing this ride, it looks like a combination of Ontang Ontang and Bianglala. Dizzying for the spin and terrifying for the height. Feli and Valen tried this. One said it's really a good ride for napping. Napping at that height? Seriously?
Hysteria - Its two towers are really intimidating. I thought if I could ride on Kora-Kora, why couldn't I ride Hysteria? And I've survived a 50 meters - 5G Bali slingshot as well. Hysteria is only a 4G force. That couldn't be bad, huh? I would only need to handle the fear of its 60 meters vertical height with eyes wide open. And its 3-times ride ups and downs. On my last visit, I was really sure I wanted to ride this, until I saw the queuing. While waiting for the line to loosen up, I got a chance to observe the ride from a very closed distance. Man, that height. Gaaaah. And all my guts sank. After a while, unfortunately, even my adrenaline had to give up to time and stamina. I was too tired to ride on some extremes. Later. I will go hysterical and tackling this one- *Update August 13, 2013: About two weeks ago, finally I rode Hysteria. That was the first ride I took once I entered the park. Not bad. The scariest part was when it shot you up. Did I scream? You bet I did.
- Poci-Poci (Spinning Cup) - It's for kids. True. But the cups only do endless spins, nothing else. I always wonder how kids can stand this without feeling sick at all.
Ontang Anting (Wave Swinger) - Once upon a time, I rode this. Not that scary at all. Sitting on a swing that made me flying fast into some degrees and heights. Up, down and round. Like riding on a Carousel: The Air Edition. The problem came when I had an adrenaline rush to try the other two rides: Ombang Ombang and Pontang Pontang. I should had realized that those similar names certainly gave the patterns away. Three in a row? An instant knock-out. I'm not a person who can vomit easily no matter how I sick I feel. I didn't, I couldn't, and it was really, really terrible.
Kincir Raksasa Bianglala (Giant Wheel) - Some say a ferris wheel is a kiddie ride and people laughed when I told them this ride was the scariest. They say, in the evening time, it will give me a romantic sight because of all the lights seen from above. But this wheel is 33 meters high. It is high. And I'm terrified of height. Especially when I have lots of time to be aware of it. A ferris wheel cart rotates really slow upright, and it will stop for a while to let the passengers enjoying the view and the height. Me, no. I spent my time up there trying to be calm whenever the wind shook my cart. I didn't care about the spectacular view of the Java sea and all Ancol area. I only wanted for the cart to rotate back down immediately and hoping that my prayer could be heard (hey, from my position, it's closer to heaven). The ride felt like forever.
Niagara-Gara (Flume Ride) - It never gets old. I can see it from the people who are willing to wait for average 30-90 minutes in line. This ride is one of the pioneer rides. The queuing spot is set up inside a western-style wooden building. When it was packed with people, with the sweat and other unidentified smell, I couldn't help but feeling claustrophobic. I got the longest queuing time on my last visit. So it was such a relief and refreshing to get on the wet log (my shoes .. oh no ..), floating slowly through the small river toward the 30 meters tower .. and plunged. I sat at the front. The wettest spot. But it's damn fun, I needed those water splash.
Arung Jeram (River Raft Ride) - It's not a real 3 hour journey where you have to row your raft through the river rapids. This ride is only a matter of whether or not you dare to get wet inside and outside. Apparently many people want to ride on, but don't want to get wet. I found out the operators providing plastic raincoats for sale. I had already prepared Mathieu's Doraemon raincoat and put it on him. Just because. Me, I changed my clothes into a simple outfit before joining into the line, ready to face the raging river. Arung Jeram is best tackled before dark, or right before you end your trip if you don't want to continue riding while looking - and feeling - all wet from head to toe. Allow 30-60 minutes time to queue.
Halilintar (Twisted Roller Coaster) - A primadona of all rides. A must-have. Halilintar roller-coaster turns, climbs, goes down and twists like an obese lightning. Do not overthink that something bad might happen as in "Final Destination 3" or "Rollercoaster". Because once you're the train, you'll find it's too fast to worry. I'll take this again and again anytime, but by sitting at the middle rows. Chicken! Buck, buck, buck, buck, buck! I know, I know.
Kicir-Kicir (Power Surge) - You see the picture on the left? It's only a windmill. Only. Here, have a closer look. Now, it got your real attention. I saw Feli and Valen rode Kicir-Kicir. I saw how they were randomly turned and twisted in 360 degrees. The movement was like a giant fan that had lost most of its screws and bolts. I joined in the line with Tati on my last trip. Surprisingly the waiting wasn't long. Or it didn't feel that long because I had fun watching the people on the ride. Their reactions were hilarious. When I finally got on the ride, the reaction was mine. I'm not a screaming diva, and I had never heard myself screaming that loud in my entire life. Especially when I was in a face-down position. (Has Superman ever had this kind of fear while flying?). I could see all eyes were on the ride, and that they were also amused. I didn't care. It was shameless, and screaming felt so good to release the tension. I bowed down to the craziest ride in town. I don't mind getting on it again. The aftermath effects: wobbly knees, sore throat caused by lots and lots of screaming and nausea. The nausea thing can be avoided by prior observation to choose your seat, facing forward or backward. Though later on that ride you'll have a blurry awareness of which side you're actually on, at least you have advantage to be prepared of what's coming from the very beginning. And keep your eyes open.
Tornado (Wind Shear) - My first impression on Tornado from afar was, sure I dared riding it. Don't ask me why. Perhaps it was because of the fact that Tornado could carry 40 people back-to-back in one shot, and I always considered it as the more the merrier. Then there came the evening nearly closing time when we - Feli, Valen and I - tried our luck to approach the ride. Queue line was closed. The last ride was on going, carrying only around 10 people. It was a multiple-round ride that went so amazingly threatening from our point of view. We just couldn't take our eyes off it. During one quick stop, one of the operators saw us glued in front of the ride. He called us to join in. My adrenaline said yes, but my guts said no. Feli and Valen gave it up as well. None of us accepted the offer. So we walked out. Yeah. Disappointing. (I kinda felt upset with myself afterwards). It became my 1,000,001 Things to Do Before I Die. And I got it. Just when I thought I would miss it once again, after being exhausted by the Niagara-gara 90 minutes queuing and I only had not more than 30 minutes before group meeting time. I passed by Tornado and saw there was no one visible at the queue line. And the adrenaline rushed all of a sudden. I asked Tati if she would like to join the ride, she backed off once she saw it from close distance. So I ran inside. I ran so fast I didn't let myself had a second thought. Apparently there were people inside indeed, waiting for their turn. I had to wait two rounds to get to mine. While waiting, all I could do was to look up above in awe. Seeing those maneuvers in 17 meters height .. 360 degrees turnings, rolling, twisting, tilting left and right in 45 degrees or more, moving toward and away from a center (general physics call it centripetal and centrifugal) .. basically it treated those people just like suckling pigs or if anyone ever felt being thrown into the eye of a twister. My jaw kept dropping. I mentally prepared myself by observing the ride. I saw two girls picked their seat, but then they retreated. I heard someone shouting "God Almighty!!" over and over again. Screams were intense. Phew. Then my turn came. One of the beauty of Tornado, that though you ride it alone, you are not lonely. I sat at the middle, among the people I didn't know at all .. but somehow I was in an instant unity. Whatever might come or happen to me during the ride, would happen to my surrounding too. My fear was lowered down to some extent because of that. I might be ready before the ride, however, the things I felt on the ride was absolutely unreal. It's not as simple as in what you see is what you get. How could I find enough words to describe it when I felt - and saw - everything around me was turning upside down, when the sky was literally under my feet? When I lost all sense of direction and defying gravity? Tornado moved in a dynamic rhythm and stopped a couple of times in various position, and it was breathtaking to figure out where I was at those certain points. Having said that, I could say I was pretty much alert during the ride. I even managed to catch a glimpse of terror on the spectators' faces. Very very entertaining. And apart from the Tornado accident rumors a couple years ago, I felt safe riding it. That's the most important thing. And I felt like a winner tackling this ride. Tornado is the best ride up to date. I'll definitely get on it again, wanna try evening ride and sitting at the edge of the row. The aftermath effects: blushed and warmed face caused by blood drawn to the head, cold sweats, physically shaken, emotionally drained, lost of appetite, headache, nausea, vomiting, total fear, pride, numb/dumb feeling. A mixture of addiction.1. Dufan never gives clear information about any promotion whatsoever. When you're in front of the locket/cashier, do ask. Show every credit cards, member cards or even cellular operator logo that you have and ask for any discount. Senior visitors at the age of 60 are entitled for special price. Show some ID cards.
2. Children at the height below 100 cms are free. Any child taller than that will have to pay full price. There's a yellow line painted on the locket and there's a height measurement as well. No use to cheat on your children's height. I personally think Dufan should apply special price for kids above the height limit. How many rides can a child ride in one day, including the queuing time, anyway? And no matter how tall your children are, some rides might still be too scary for their youth. Choose it wisely.
3. The weather at Dufan area is usually hot. Wear comfortable outfits. But considering you'll be quite exposed while riding some of the extremes, you'd better not wearing anything too loose either. Bring some change.
4. Leave your high heels at home. Don't wear heavy makeup. Tie your long hair in a bun or a ponytail. Wear sneakers or sandals if you prefer (you can always take it off whenever is necessary). Being trendy doesn't hurt, but as you spend your day outdoor screaming, sweating, getting twisted and wet, nobody will pay attention to any overkill looks anyway.
5. Something's never changed. Like that stamp they gave you for your ride pass. Careful with the ink. It's likely to smear on everywhere. On your clothes and on your face. Sooner or later Dufan needs to think of a better idea to replace that stamping.
6. Drink lots and lots of water. From my last two trips, they didn't check my belongings. So you can try bringing water inside the park. Otherwise, buy it from those stalls. It's overpriced, but you got no choice.
7. Don't eat heavy meals in one shot. Especially right before or after riding on spinning or wavy patterns. It's better to chew on light snacks like popcorn or bread. Unless you're really hungry. Give it some time between rides.
8. There are free lockers available inside the park. Use it and be practical so you can go far with the rides.
9. There are maps planted at some spots. You can use it as your guide. For me, it's too confusing even to locate where I'm standing at the moment. I'd rather follow the paths freely. But if you feel the need to study the location and all the rides before you go to the park, you can find it on the website here.
10. Dufan is always packed during weekends and holidays. Know that it's almost impossible to ride everything in one day and be ready for long queuing time. Choose your targets tactfully. Everybody hates waiting. So don't complain while you're in the line. If you can't stand it, leave and come back later if you still have a chance. My tips: Extreme rides and kiddie rides are popular. If you're longing to take it first, jump into the line and endure the waiting. But if somehow you're sure you can sustain a bit, try other rides first and don't go to your targets yet. Approach it later on that day when the queuing has loosen up, hopefully. Fresh adrenaline and excitement are the best stamina boosters.
11. *If you don't like to queue, and if you have extra money in your pocket, buy the Fast Track tickets. The price is almost the same as the entrance ticket, so yeah, it's costly. Fast Track allows you to choose 6 of your favorite rides and you will able to bypass the queue. This, is one of the reasons why queuing time is endless for others who don't have that special ticket. Quite irritating, to be honest. But hey, in this country, money do talks. A lot!
12. Follow every warnings or restrictions. Don't be a jerk doing reckless or stupid actions on the ride. It's for your own safety, and for the people who ride along with you.
13. Know your limit. Of how much your body and mind can take the rides. It's not wise to show off whatever is left in you if you don't feel like it. Screaming, cursing or laughing out loud on the ride will do no harm. These things can do magic in releasing your tension and fear. Crying may get to someone else's nerves, but vomiting and fainting .. are really not cool. (I once heard someone puked while riding on Tornado, right there up above. Can you imagine getting the splash?). Observe the ride closely. Learn how it goes and its maneuvers. If you think you will not be able to handle it, leave before you get on the ride if possible. Otherwise you might be delaying everyone. (One Niagara-gara rider was almost hysteric when she realized that nobody would sit in front of her. She screamed over and over to the operator that she didn't want to sit at the front. I couldn't help but shouting at her from my queuing spot: "For God sake, just get off!! Get off!!" One other shouted to the operator: "Just ignore her and start the ride!! She's wasting our time!" Finally she got off, after almost fell down to the water because of panic). My tips: No matter how scared you are, there's nothing worse than riding with your eyes closed. You will not know what's coming ahead of you, you'll let yourself unprepared. So try to keep your eyes open. Aim your focus farther and not on the ride itself. You'll be surprised, and maybe entertained even more.
14. Always check your safety belts/locks a couple of time. It must lock firmly before the ride starts. If it doesn't or if you feel it doesn't, raise your hand and call the operator to fix it. If it still doesn't feel right, back off immediately and calmly. Safety is the number one thing to be concerned of in every ride everywhere. Though Dufan management assure you that their rides are all safe, we cannot know for sure. Don't let yourself be blinded by pure adrenaline. You gotta learn to trust your instinct as well. And don't forget to pray.
15. Extreme rides draw the most attention. That makes every people on board a celebrity. People who don't dare riding may laugh watching you, but believe me they are also amazed and amused by your courage. So give them your best and fun behavior. Something that can make them wish they had it as big as yours.
Enjoy your ride!
* added
Cinemagoers, Hear Hear!
WITTERTAINMENT'S CODE OF CONDUCT
Source: bbc.co.uk
And the rip-off ..
TEN COMMANDMENTS FOR MOVIE AUDIENCES
Source: Rotten Tomatoes
Totally.
Source: bbc.co.uk
And the rip-off ..
TEN COMMANDMENTS FOR MOVIE AUDIENCES
Source: Rotten Tomatoes
1. Set thy phone ringer on silent mode.
The rest of us didn't pay to hear your ringtone, even if it's something cute. And God help you if you pick it up. If your call is that important (as in answering the phone will avert a nuclear disaster, alien invasion, or zombie outbreak) then you shouldn't be sitting in a movie theater to begin with.
2. Thou shalt not text.
If you're texting during the movie, you suck. You know that even a small light in a dark room is eye-catching, right? And if it's eye-catching, it's going to be distracting. If you're texting in the theater, you're either a moron or jerk, take your pick.
3. Thou shalt not speak.
Be quiet. As in keep your mouth shut. Even if you think you're being quiet enough that no one will hear you, you aren't. The only time it's acceptable to talk is if you're making jokes during a really bad movie. Check the Tomatometer ahead of time; if the score is below 10%, you can probably get away with making jokes for the rest of the audience's enjoyment (but they need to be funny).
4. Thou shalt not aim laser pointers at the movie screen.
Memo to junior high kids - using a laser pointer in the theater isn't actually amusing. I don't normally condone violence, but I propose a solution: the first person to find the little brat using a laser pointer gets to slap them in the mouth.
5. Thou shalt not kick or put thy feet on the seats in front of thee.
Especially if someone's in them. For that matter, share the armrest, and don't put your jacket down hoping that no one will sit next to you. If you need the extra space, sit next to the aisle.
6. Useth the restroom before the movie starts.
Why stumble over everyone going back and forth to your seat? If you're one of those people with a small bladder, then for God's sake, don't get a drink at the concession stand before the movie starts (trust me, I know people that do this). And if that's completely impossible for you, at least have the decency to sit in an aisle seat. (You get a pass for taking kids to family movies.)
7. Keepeth thy food quiet.
Don't slurp the end of the soda. Don't make a bunch of noise with candy wrappers. Better yet, don't have anything to eat during the movie. Imagine the money you'll save!
8. Thou shalt not bring thy children to R-rated movies.
Especially late ones. Especially horror movies. Believe me, your kids really don't want to see latest Terminator or Saw movie. I've seen parents bring kids to these kinds of movies, and it always makes me sad for the kids. If you can't find a sitter, too bad - join the world of decent parenting and wait for the movie to come out on DVD.
9. The movie theater is not thy make-out spot.
Do not kiss, fondle, grope, or have sex with your partner during the movie. Seriously, get a room. If you're attractive enough that others would want to watch you making out, chances are youd be on screen already, and not sitting in the theater with the rest of us.
10. Thou shalt not shoot video whilst in the theater.
This is called piracy, and regardless of what you think about theater owners and Hollywood in general, it's still stealing. There was a real commandment about that one.
Totally.
