A Blackberry Era

I quote: "Life is much simpler when apple and blackberry were just fruits".

At a food court: I was having lunch, surrounded by teenagers playing with their colourful berries while their having their lunch. Seriously, people, I could come up with better names: whiteberry, blueberry, greenberry, redberry, purpleberry, shocking-electric-pinkberry.

On a bus: I was trying to catch some sleep, I needed that desperately. But couldn't get a peaceful one, since I was surrounded by pinging Blackberries for the whole 2 hour trip. They came from the front, the middle and the back seats. O well, if I could finally fall asleep, I would have dreamed of "PING", "TING TUNG" and "OH-OH" running around chasing each other.

At a diner: There's a story about one autistic family having dinner together. Dad was on his Blackberry phone, Mom was texting on her Blackberry, Son was playing DS (probably still too young to have a Blackberry). Once they were done with their meals and gadget activities, they went home. No conversation occurred. Blackberry should have a new motto: "BLACKBERRY. MAKING DISTANT PEOPLE CLOSE AND CLOSE PEOPLE DISTANT". (Anyone needs a translation, feel free to buy me a Blackberry and I will BBM you the translation).

There comes a time when people spent money on short messaging services through their cellulars. They had limits though. They could go bankrupt if they didn't spend it wisely. But now we got Blackberry messaging, with overjoyed gratitute to the provider, it's FREE of charge! A huge and successful invasion. It has expanded its basic function from emails to chats. From executives to teenagers. From working purpose to just a lifestyle. Couple years back, having a Blackberry was a privilege. Now, it's just a common cheap gadget.

Some people once claimed they didn't need a Blackberry. When they finally surrendered to the technology, they just couldn't live without it. It's a gadget accommodating life, not the other way around. Blackberry is a new synonym of "soulmate", "addiction" and "lifestyle". Everyone else without one looks so out of this world. Ouch!

Movie-a-Minute

If you wish to view all the movies, please click on this link. For you who cannot browse, I am quoting some of my fave, only from the movies I have seen .. though some condensed-movies I have NOT seen are irresistibly hilarious .. (Yeah, I have clicked them all!).

So, be warned for the spoilers .. and pick your fave.

Don't have time to watch it all?

Let's face it. There's a lot of movies out there and very little time to watch them in. Well sit back and relax, because your troubles are solved! We here at Movie-A-Minute have come up with a solution. We've taken several classic and contemporary movies and extracted the important stuff, cutting out all the filler. (You'd be surprised how much filler there is sometimes.) With our ultra-condensed versions of your favorite films, you can experience whole movies in just one minute! As an added bonus, Movie-A-Minute protects against torture by bad movies -- if you don't have to sit through them, well, you don't have to sit through them.

"That's nice," you say, "but I don't believe you." Yah hah, skeptical soul! We've got our collection of ultra-condensed movies right here! We've got everything from Gone With the Wind to Die Hard! See for yourself!

Robert De Niro CRIES, and it is FUNNY.


THE END

Gary Oldman
I have travelled Oceans of Time to be with you.

Winona Ryder
That's sweet, but you're wasting your time, frankly.

THE END

Ingrid Bergman
Oh, Rick.

Humphrey Bogart
Oh, Ilsa.

Paul Henreid
Oh, nuts.

Conrad Veidt
Oh, (dies).

THE END

Orson Welles
Rosebud. (dies)

Reporter
What does it mean?

Everybody Else
We don't know.

THE END

(Airplanes are found in the desert.)

Researchers
Wow!

(UFOs appear over Richard Dreyfuss' house.)

Richard Dreyfuss
Wow!

(UFOs appear over Devil's Tower.)

All
Wow!

THE END

Alan Rickman
Har har har.

Bruce Willis
Grunt sigh moan grunt holler yell sigh wince groan cringe grunt.

(A chair BLOWS UP. Then the elevator BLOWS UP. Then a room BLOWS UP. Then the building BLOWS UP. Then the entire universe BLOWS UP. But the badguy STILL ISN'T DEAD YET. Then the badguy dies.)

THE END

Luke
I have to go to Dagobah.

Yoda
You have to use the force.

Luke
I have to go to Cloud City.

Darth Vader
You have to go to the dark side.

Luke
No I don't.

Darth Vader
I'm your father.

Luke
No you're not.

Darth Vader
Fine, I'll cut off your hand.

THE END

Nicolas Cage Being John Travolta
Raaah, wooo, bluuuh.

John Travolta Being Nicolas Cage
Wahh.

(71,928,033 bullets later, everything is FIXED.)

THE END



Matt Damon
I'm smart, but so what? Let's start fights and pick up chicks.

Robin Williams
If you push people away, they can't be close to you.

Matt Damon
SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP you fixed me thank you I love you. (cries)

THE END


Brad Pitt
I don't want to suck blood from humans.

Tom Cruise
Yes you do.

Brad Pitt
You're right.

THE END

Roy Scheider
There's a big shark in the water. Close the beaches.

Murray Hamilton
No way. Your evidence is inconclusive. Clean the dead people off the beach to make room for the tourists.

(Some SCARY MUSIC rings out, and a BIG FAT GUY gets EATEN.)

Robert Shaw
I'm tough and grim. (shark eats him)

Roy Scheider and Richard Dreyfuss
Take that. (shark dies)

THE END

Scar
You killed your father.

Simba
(runs away)

Nala
We need you.

Simba
(runs back)

THE END


Jeff Goldblum
We must never go back to the island. (goes back)

(Everybody DIES.)

Jeff Goldblum
I told you we should never go back to the island.

THE END




Diane Keaton
My father is bedridden. My aunt is senile. My sister is lost. My nephew is deliquent.

Robert De Niro
And you have leukemia.

THE END




(Anthony Hopkins does some STUNTS.)

Anthony Hopkins
I'm too old to be Zorro now.

(Antonio Banderas does some STUNTS.)

THE END

Cast
Hi. We're--

John Woo
Enough plot development. Fight in slow motion.

(People SHOOT and pull their FACES off.)

THE END




Mel Gibson
I want my money back.

Badguy
You can't have it.

Mel Gibson
(kills somebody)

(Repeat.)

THE END

Julia Roberts
I'm a hooker, but I don't kiss on the lips.

Richard Gere
I have a lot of money.

Julia Roberts
(smooch)

THE END



(CHOW YUN FAT walks into a DANCE CLUB and has a GUNFIGHT.)

(CHOW YUN FAT walks into an APARTMENT BUILDING and has a GUNFIGHT.)

(CHOW YUN FAT walks into a CAR WASH and has a GUNFIGHT.)

(CHOW YUN FAT walks into an ARCADE and has a GUNFIGHT.)

(CHOW YUN FAT walks into a MOVIE THEATER and has a GUNFIGHT.)

(CHOW YUN FAT walks into CHINATOWN and has a GUNFIGHT.)

THE END



(Rocky LOSES a fight, and an injury prevents him from ever fighting again. Then Rocky WINS a fight, and an injury prevents him from ever fighting again. Then Rocky LOSES a fight. Then Rocky WINS a fight. Then Rocky WINS a fight, and an injury prevents him from ever fighting again. Then Rocky beats up some kids on the street.)

THE END





Michael Douglas and Kathleen Turner
We hated each other, but then we had jungle adventures together. Now we're in love.

THE END






Haley Joel Osment
I see dead people.

Bruce Willis
Try talking to them.

Haley Joel Osment
It worked.

THE END




Meg Ryan
I shall find out all I can about Tom Hanks and stalk him.

Tom Hanks
Your plan worked. I love you.

THE END




Dennis Hopper
I will blow up the elevator.

Keanu Reeves
Oh no. Not the elevator. (saves elevator)

Dennis Hopper
I will blow up the bus.

Keanu Reeves
Oh no. Not the bus. (saves bus)

Dennis Hopper
I will blow up the subway.

Keanu Reeves
Oh no. Not the subway. (saves subway)

THE END


Michelle Pfeiffer
I hate you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bruce Willis
I hate you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Michelle Pfeiffer
I hate you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bruce Willis
I hate you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(They get back together.)

THE END



(Stuart gets ADOPTED. The Littles HATE Stuart. The Littles LIKE Stuart. Stuart's parents come. Stuart HATES his parents. Stuart LIKES his parents. Stuart HATES his parents. Stuart goes back to the Littles. The Littles HATE Stuart. The cat HATES Stuart. The cat LIKES Stuart. The Littles LIKE Stuart.)

THE END






Tarzan
OHHHHH-AA-ahhhhhhh-AAOOAAOO-ahhhhhhhh!!!!!

(A safari of pillagers get run over by a herd of elephants.)

THE END





Producers
War is hell.

Audience
Oh look, it's Sean Penn.

Producers
War is still hell.

Audience
Isn't that George Clooney?

Producers
War continues to be hell.

Audience
Hey, where did Woody Harrelson come from?

Producers
War. Hell.

THE END


Leonardo DiCaprio
Your social class is stuffy. Let's dance with the ship's rats and have fun.

Kate Winslet
You have captured my heart. Let's run around the ship and giggle.

(The ship SINKS.)

Leonardo DiCaprio
Never let go.

Kate Winslet
I promise. (lets go)

THE END


(There are LOTS of JETS.)

Tom Cruise
I am handsome and cool.

Val Kilmer
No, I am handsome and cool.

(They get all moody with each other.)

Tom Cruise
I almost got you killed, so now we're friends.

Val Kilmer
Yes. I like you.

THE END


Chris O'Donnell
My sister is stuck up a mountain.

Everyone Else
Then let's strap nitro-glycerine to our backs.

(Everybody almost falls down a lot.)

THE END




(Michael and Kathleen Turner MEET. Then they fall in LOVE. Then they get MARRIED. Then they FIGHT. They throw DISHES and FURNITURE and FISH and DOGS and TREES and CARS and CHANDELIERS at each other.)

Danny DeVito
The moral of this story is, if you get married, you'll DIE.

THE END



Sally
I hate you.

Harry
That's your problem.

Sally
I think I love you.

Harry
I might love you.

Sally
I hate you.

Harry
Please don't.

Sally
I love you.

Harry
I love you too.

THE END



(Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan fall in LOVE, and it is HEARTWARMING.)

America Online
Please note how our program was used in this movie.

THE END

Let's Do the Tango!

As I recalled correctly, well, actually I am not that sure when was the first time I heard "Por Una Cabeza" by Carlos Gardel, since it is a very familiar song and been used for so many times.

But I do recall two movies that has it in.

Scent of a Woman (1992), caught it in cinema. Great movie, such a heartwarming dance. Lifted Gabrielle Anwar so high alongside The Legend.

and True Lies (1994), caught it on cable. Movie was awfully overrated, and so did the tango (and who could believe Arnie to tango, say again??).

(Hah! Looking at the years, now I know I got it first from Al Pacino =D =D)

And still some people put it as "Song from True Lies" or "Song from Scent of a Woman'. Guess the movies are bigger than the song itself. Hmm.

And what do I think about this following dance?

Absolutely gorgeous!

Horror Movie Survival

If the house you're living in tells you to "GO AWAY", do so immediately.

Never take a bath or shower with a maniac/spirit/demon/creature in the house.

When it appears that you have killed the maniac/spirit/demon/creature, DO NOT check to see if he/she/it is really dead. Keep hacking at it until it is in pieces small enough not to be a threat to you. If you've shot at it, shoot it again in the head, and remember, shoot till it stops moving, and then keep shooting till you're out of ammo. Then reload and shoot it some more. Then set it on fire and burn it up, this works with everything except demons and spirits. Then get the hell out of there!

If plumbing fixtures or other structures in your home begin shaking and spewing body fluids, it's time to leave.

Never read aloud from a book that summons demons. Even as a joke.

Don't look under the bed.

Do not search the basement, especially if the power has just gone out.

If trees, TVs, or other objects try to consume your children, save as many as you can and then get the hell out of the area.

If relatives or pets come back from the dead, don't approach them and ask "What did you come back to do?"

If inanimate objects such as dolls, toys, or furniture attack you, be prudent, leave the area.

If you've hidden from the maniac/spirit/demon/creature and you are not found, do not peek from or decide it's safe to leave your hiding place. If you do decide to leave, scan the ground for twigs before you take a step.

Never believe that your companion has truly become "dispossessed."

It is very, very dangerous to back into, or through rooms.

If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they do not know, or if they speak to you using a voice which is other than their own, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run. (Note: It will probably take several rounds of gunfire to incapacitate them, so be prepared.)

When you have the benefit of numbers, never, ever, pair off, or go in alone. The more people the maniac/spirit/demon/creature is distracted by, the better "your" chance of escape.

Never get into a car without first checking the back seat for occupants.

If demons begin possessing your companions, it's a good idea to leave the area as soon, and as quickly as possible.

If your companions start turning up dead, make yourself scarce before someone else does it for you. Worry about funerals later.

If you've just finished running over the maniac/spirit/demon/creature in your car, keep going. Most certainly do not get out of the car under any circumstances to see if he/she/it is "really" dead.

As a general rule, don't try to solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.

Don't fall asleep if you have a history of homicidal/suicidal nightmares.

Never stand in, on, above, below, beside, or near a grave, tomb, crypt, mausoleum, etc.

Never stand in, on, above, below, beside or near a window, especially those that appear that they would break easily.

If you find something that appears to be alive that you cannot identify, don't pick it up or touch it, with anything.

If you're searching for something which caused a noise and find out that it's just the cat, leave the room immediately or else you will quickly die.

If someone is in the water and starts screaming and is pulled under, Don't go after them or peek over the edge of the shore "to see what's wrong." If you are in a boat, head for shore.

If appliances start operating by themselves, you are in danger.

Do not accept/take anything from the dead.

If priests won't or can't enter your home, start looking for a new home.

If you discover the place you are visiting is known for its history of mass murders, deaths, freak accidents, or supernatural occurrences, leave.

If you wake up from a particularly horrific dream and find yourself still alive, you probably aren't awake yet.

If you find a town which looks deserted, it is probably deserted for a damn good reason. Take the hint and stay away.

Don't play with ouija boards. If you do and the ouija board starts moving by itself, stop playing and leave.

If supernatural beings start calling your name, leave the area immediately.

Never pick up a hitchhiker or stop to aid a suspicious person, especially if he/she/it resembles Santa Claus or Satan.

Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're really sure you know what you are doing.

Make sure that your weapon is really loaded before you try to use it.

If your space ship gets an alien distress signal from what appears to be a dead planet, don't stop to check it out.

Never put your back to or lean on a door.

Never take the dare to spend a night in a haunted house.

Never speak to clowns in sewers.

Never accept gifts from strangers, especially if you suspect that they are really supernatural beings.

If you're running from the maniac/spirit/demon/creature, expect to trip and/or fall down at least twice, more if you are female. Do not turn to look back, if you do, you stand a good chance of tripping immediately and being killed. If you turn and look back, and you don't see the maniac/spirit/demon/creature chasing you, stop and run immediately back the way you came because the maniac/spirit/demon/creature is now in front of you.

If your companions exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, biting, thirst for blood, howling, glowing eyes, unnatural hairiness, marked resemblance to demons, excretion of ectoplasm or other forms of gelatinous goo, flaming appendages, extra appendages, etc., get as far away from them as possible.

Listen closely to the soundtrack for hints on what is going on around you. Use all resources available, especially the audience, for on the average, they are much, much more intelligent than you could ever hope to be.

Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Crystal Lake, Transylvania, Nilbog (God help you if you recognize this one), Mydian, Questa Verde, the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.

Beware of transvestite doctors that sing.

Avoid secluded mountain resorts, especially those which keep 'Redrum' in stock.

Beware of strangers bearing tools of destruction such as chainsaws, staple guns, chipper/shredders, weed poppers, combines, lawnmowers, knives, flamethrowers, band saws, crossbows, napalm, grenades, high-powered rifles, gophers wielding axes, laser pistols, or Alludium Q-36 explosive space modulators.

If you're going to shoot something, in the immortal words of Robert Ruark, african game hunter, "USE ENOUGH GUN."

If entering your craft you put your hand in a kind of sticky/slimy/resinous kind of substance that was not there before, turn and run immediately.

If you are in the Arctic and find an alien frozen in ice, don't touch it, don't thaw it out, leave it alone. The alien should be incinerated with thermite (or preferably a thermonuclear weapon), otherwise if it thaws out, it will kill you and every living thing on earth.

If you are alone in a house and something calls your name, leave the house immediately through whatever exit is in the opposite direction. If there is no exit, make one.



www.lotsofjokes.com

20 Reasons Why Star Wars is Better than Titanic

1. The Titanic is big, but it doesn't have hyperdrive.
2. Yoda could use the Force to lift Titanic out of the water.
3. Leia is a princess, a senator, a freedom fighter, and Jedi material; Rose is just marriage bait.
4. Ewoks throw better parties than either first class or steerage.
5. It would be much scarier to get chased around the boat by a raving madman with a lightsaber as opposed to a handgun.
6. Titanic is egalitarian by portraying poor people as sympathetic characters. Star Wars is egalitarian by promoting bug-eyed amphibians to Admiral.
7. Said bug-eyed amphibious Admiral manages NOT to lose his ship.
8. We know Cal is the bad guy because he sneers at the poor and treats his fiancee like property. We know Darth Vader is the bad guy because he strangles people and blows up planets for fun.
9. Yeah, Leo can dance, but can he fly an X-wing?
10. Rose braves icy water to rescue her man. Leia braves Jabba the Hutt.
11. There are always enough escape pods in Star Wars.
12. Do you know what the Empire does to self-proclaimed "kings of the world?"
13. If Luke were handcuffed to a pipe below decks in a sinking ship, he would use the Force to get the key.
14. "I'd rather be his whore than your wife," just doesn't have the same ring as "I'd rather kiss a Wookie."
15. Han is frozen in carbonite and turned into a wall ornament. Leo simply freezes.
16. Han Solo would've steered clear of that iceberg!
17. We knew the boat was gonna sink. But who could've anticipated, "Luke....I am your father."?
18. Stormtroopers blast big holes in stupid minor characters; everyone in Titanic was a stupid minor character.
19. When Star Wars was proclaimed coolest movie of all time by half of planet earth, George Lucas did not make a fool of himself at the Oscars.
20. Titanic morals: Gamble, Cheat on your husband, Pose nude for pictures, Premarital sex is OK if you're infatuated.
21.Star Wars morals: Fight evil, Do good, Respect all life even if it's ugly and slithers, Rescue princess, Save planet.

Unknown source.

These are the 20 Reasons Why I Love Titanic Better than Star Wars.

20 Things Guys Learned from Action Movies

1. No matter what my problem is, it's the fault of someone other than myself, and the appropriate response is to find that person and kill him with my bare hands.

2. To be truly attractive, a woman must wear high heels and an outfit so tight you can tell whether she's cold or not from across the room.

3. There are two kinds of women in the world: The type that want to go to bed with you, and the type that want to kill you. Both types are physically attractive and under 25 years old.

4. If I rudely argue with my boss in front of my co-workers, not only won't he fire me, but he will gain a profound respect for me.

5. If I can find an important enough mission, it will supercede my obligations to perform household chores, bathe, and call the next day.

6. If I go without bathing, swear a lot, and treat women badly, they will adore me.

7. If a woman tries to clean a bullet wound and I curse in pain, she will fall in love with me.

8. Anyone who isn't a cop, mercenary soldier, and/or private investigator is a homosexual. Or at least a sissy.

9. If I have a prolonged fist-fight with another guy and neither of us dies, we will become best friends.

10. My arch-enemy will bear an uncanny resemblance in age and bearing to my father, and he will make it clear that he has gained a deep respect for me before I kill him with my bare hands.

11. When I shoot people, they will die quickly and cleanly, and I will never be arrested or troubled by their widowed wife and children. When people shoot me, however, I will at most receive a 'flesh wound,' which will be tended to by a beautiful woman.

12. If I'm white I will befriend at least one black guy, or one white guy if I'm black. If I am Latino the monster/villain will kill me halfway through the film, urging the hero to even greater levels of violence.

13. If an aged scientist is involved in any way, he will have a beautiful daughter who will gaze at me adoringly.

14. If royalty is involved, it will include a beautiful princess who will gaze at me adoringly.

15. If I have a kid partner, he will be tightly-muscled, clean-cut, and gaze at me adoringly.

16. If I am asked to compete against a world champion at any sport or game of any type, I will win. This will infuriate my opponent, who will then try to kill me.

17. If I am given a surprise attack, I will be attacked by only one or maybe two people at a time, and I will find that I am well-skilled in Karate and Ju-jitsu, and if all else fails, I will always have one last firearm hidden somewhere on my body.

18. If my opponent has a side-kick or henchman, he will never have a sensible name like 'Rick,' or 'Steve.'

19. Beautiful women will frequently furrow their brows with concern and ask, "When's the last time you got any sleep?" They will never ask when I last bathed or used the toilet, although I apparently never do those things either.

20. While chasing or fleeing from an enemy, I can drive anything with a motor recklessly at 100-130 miles per hour without a seatbelt, with ammunition filling the passenger seat, and nothing will fall out of place. Also, no police will ever catch me; they'll just look in amazement in my direction.

Unknown source

Top Ten Reasons Why TV is Better Than the World-Wide Web

Just another old jokes I resurrected, source is unknown

1. It doesn't take minutes to build the picture when you change TV channels.
2. When was the last time you tuned in to "Melrose Place" and got a "Not Found 404" message? 3. There are fewer grating color schemes on TV -- even on MTV.
4. The family never argues over which Web site to visit this evening.
5. A remote control has fewer buttons than a keyboard.
6. Even the worst TV shows never excuse themselves with an "Under Construction" sign.
7. Seinfeld never slows down when a lot of people tune in.
8. You just can't find those cool Health Rider infomercials on the Web.
9. Set-top boxes don't beep and whine when you hook up to HBO.
10.You can't surf the Web from a couch with a beer in one hand and Doritos in the other.

Lesson in Life I Learned from James Bond

If you loathe backseat drivers- use the ejection seat.

Women will sleep with you no matter what their race, colour, creed, religious belief, marital status or sexual preference. Even if you treat them like dirt or have killed their husbands, fathers etc, they will still sleep with you in the end.

The British Government has better resources than the Americans.

All Russians are incompetent idiots, unless they are good-looking.

Bad guys only operate in exotic locales like Vienna or the Bahamas-never a place like Nebraska or Cleveland.

Evil genius have two henchmen- one with all brains and no brawn, and one with all brawn and no brains.

No matter how many crack troops you are up against, you will never be hit by a bullet, minor scratches are the most youll get.

The wilder the car chase, the lesser the chance of messing up your hair.

The wilder the car chase the lesser the chance of red lights or pedestrians stopping you- let alone the Police.

Spies always use dumb code phrases.

You will never lose in a casino, no matter how crooked it is.

Money is not a problem.

Use one-liners wherever possible including the middle of a car chase, when you are just about to shoot someone, when someone is just about to shoot you, when you are about to use a gadget, before you have sex, etc.

It is perfectly OK to drive a tank through St. Petersburg and catch up with a speeding motor car.

Hit on the boss secretary at all times.

80 year-olds can still head up a goverment department whose sole purpose is to invent new gadgets for the modern spy.

You will always be told the evil plan BEFORE you are supposed to die.

Always have a Union Jack parachute handy.

Be a chauvenist pig at all times, women will sleep with you anyway (see above)

Everybody of Eastern descent does martial arts like Jackie Chan.

There is no modern buildings in communist countries.

Always kill the evil genius last (or second to last).

Source: www.geocities.com

Chick Flicks vs. Macho Movies

CF: The main relationship is between a man and woman
MM: The main relationship is between a man and his sworn enemy (or sometimes his sub-machine gun and/or sports car).

CF: There are lots of close-ups so you can see every emotion on the character’s face.
MM: There are lots of long shots so you can see every bit of blood, bone and grey matter that explodes from the character’s face.

CF: The villains are people you see everyday, like cheating husbands and nasty bosses.
MM: The villians are people you’ll probably never see in a lifetime, like heads of cocaine cartels and man-eating aliens.

CF: The villain’s worst act is something awful like sleeping with her best friend’spouse.
MM: The villain’s worst act is something awful like stealing a nuclear weapon.

CF: A chick flick always includes child actors so they can add humanity and warmth to the story.
MM: A macho movie includes child actors so they can be kidnapped and add suspense to the story.

CF: The characters learn to respect one another through long talks and thoughful actions.
MM: The characters learn to respect one another by beating each other up.

CF: If someone gets a disease, it's inevitably cancer or heart failure.
MM: If someone gets a disease, it's inevitably a rare form of radiation poisoning or an exotic parasitic infection picked up in space.

CF: There will be at least one emotional death
MM: There will be at least 20 unemotional deaths

CF: There will be at least one grunting, gooey depiction of childbirth.
MM: There will be at least one grunting, gooey scene of hand-to-hand combat.

CF: The chick flick will feature at least one scene where the lead character interacts with her mother.
MM: The macho movie will feature at least one scene where the lead character interacts with a digital readout counting down to zero.

CF: The climactic scene involves an explosion of passion.
MM: The climactic scene involves an explosion of a car, bridge or other man-made structure.

CF: A happy ending is when the lead character finds love.
MM: A happy ending is when the lead character finds the villain and blows him to smithereens.


by Kathy Shaskan

Things to Do at A Movie

1. When you are choosing a seat, point at someone and say loudly in a childish voice, "I don't want to sit to that guy, he smells funny!"

2. Everytime there is a gun shot, scream, "Hit the floooor!", jump to the floor and cover your head.

3. Quote all dialogue five seconds after it's said on screen.

4. Ask the person at the ticket counter "Do you come here often?"

5. Start a standing ovation at the end of the movie.

6. Become a bookie. Take bets on which character (or audience member) will die first.

7. Throw popcorn in the air and yell, "It's snowing"

8. Clap and cheer when the good guys gets killed.

9. During the previews, yell out "Can you fast foward it please?"

10. Try to start a Mexician wave

11. Argue that no-one can sit next to you because the seats alreadly taken by your invisible friend.

12. Stand up during the picture and announce to the others the movies twist.

13. Shout "look behind you!" at the actors.

14. Wear 3D glasses. Complain about how bad the effects are.

15. Everytime someone curses, cover your ears and shout "oh the fucking profanity!"

16. Hum the theme music.

17. Bring a flashlight. During the film, perform a shadow puppet show on the ceiling.

18. Go "Ooooooooooh...." whenever someone kisses.

19. Wear a huge fake afro wig, blocking the person behind you's view.

20. Shout out "Help, I'm a beautiful butterfly"

21. Clap loudly everytime a person walks into the theater late.

22. Enquire what the theater's return policy on popcorn is.

Source:
http://www.geocities.com/area51newmexico_part2/movie.html

The Lost Dr. Seuss' Tongue Twister

See if you can do this. Read each line aloud:

This is this cat
This is is cat
This is how cat
This is to cat
This is keep cat
This is a cat
This is dumba** cat
This is busy cat
This is for cat
This is forty cat
This is seconds cat

Now read only the third word from each line aloud!

Easter Sunday

Our Lord has written the promise of the resurrection,

not in books alone, but in every leaf in spring-time.

~Martin Luther King~