Actual Call Center Conversations, Seriously!

Customer: 'I've been ringing 0800 2100 for two days and can't get through to enquiries, can you help?'
Operator: 'Where did you get that number from, sir?'
Customer: 'It was on the door to the Travel Centre.'
Operator: 'Sir, they are our opening hours.'

Caller : 'Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?'
Operator: 'I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about.'
Caller : 'On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?'
Operator: 'I think you mean the telephone point on the wall.'

Caller : 'Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am travelling in Australia?'
Operator: 'Doesn't the product name give you a clue?'

Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while travelling in France ):
'If I register my car in France, do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?'

Caller : 'I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff please.'
Operator: 'I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct?'
Caller : 'Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off.'

Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator: 'Woven? Are you sure?'
Caller : 'Yes. That's what it says on the label; Woven in Scotland.'

On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator:
'I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on.'

Tech Support: 'I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.'
Customer : 'OK.'
Tech Support: 'Did you get a pop-up menu?'
Customer : 'No.'
Tech Support: 'OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?'
Customer : 'No.'
Tech Support: 'OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?'
Customer : 'Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'.'

Tech Support: 'OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?'
Customer : 'Wow. How can you see my screen from there?'

Caller: 'I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realised that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I have my file back again?'

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There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for 'Termination without Cause'.
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations!):

Operator: 'Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?'
Caller : 'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.'
Operator: 'What sort of trouble??'
Caller : 'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.'
Operator: 'Went away?'
Caller : 'They disappeared.'
Operator: 'Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?'
Caller : 'Nothing.'
Operator: 'Nothing??'
Caller : 'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'
Operator: 'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??'
Caller : 'How do I tell?'
Operator: 'Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??'
Caller : 'What's a sea-prompt?'
Operator: 'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?'
Caller : 'There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type.'
Operator: 'Does your monitor have a power indicator??'
Caller : 'What's a monitor?'
Operator: 'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??'
Caller : 'I don't know.'
Operator: 'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??'
Caller : 'Yes, I think so.'
Operator: 'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.'
Caller : 'Yes, it is.'
Operator: 'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??'
Caller : 'No.'
Operator: 'Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.'
Caller : 'Okay, here it is.'
Operator: 'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer.'
Caller : 'I can't reach.'
Operator: 'Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??'
Caller : 'No.'
Operator: 'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??'
Caller : 'Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark.'
Operator: 'Dark??'
Caller : 'Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.'
Operator: 'Well, turn on the office light then.'
Caller : 'I can't.'
Operator: 'No? Why not??'
Caller : 'Because there's a power failure.'
Operator: 'A power......... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now.
Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??'
Caller : 'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.'
Operator: 'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.'
Caller : 'Really? Is it that bad?'
Operator: 'Yes, I'm afraid it is.'
Caller : 'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??'
Operator: 'Tell them you're too f --- ing stupid to own a computer!!!!!'

Source: Unknown. I forgot where I got this copied from.